Oops, I did it again!

I stood in the bathroom, staring at myself.

I didn't have any makeup on, as part of my attempt to go "natural" and my hair was semi-slimy from running my fingers repeatedly through it.

I felt ugly.

So, I picked up the scissors, and started cutting away at my hair, conservatively.

I looked like a stereo-typical librarian, sans the glasses.

Something had to change...

More layers?

Yes, definitely more layers.

*snip snip*

Didn't help.

And then the worst happened. I started cutting my hair short against my will.

Typically, when I cut my hair, I am doing it on purpose. To SAY something to the world, to proclaim my independence and adventuresome side, and to tell everyone, that I, yes, I am the type of person who can rock short hair.

Nope.

Not this time.

You see, I WANT to grow my hair out, and rock "model" hair.

I've never done that.

Growing up, my hair was a one length, Marsha Brady long hair-do, with thick bangs (that covered my eyebrows...which was handy when I had a mishap with pruning my brow bushes, and needed to cover them up until they grew back in...).

Model hair...yes...Something to strive for.

But no, I stood in the bathroom and winced as I cut my hair, and my brain came up with a little poem to keep me entertained while I did it:

Cutting it short wasn't part of the plan.

The haircut is getting far out of hand.

I cut it all off! Now I look like a man!

Cutting it short wasn't part of the plan...

*sigh*

Usually I feel liberated and empowered after one of these episodes. But I don't.

It's probably because I feel bad as a person, right now.

You know, when you say or do the worst thing you could possibly do, and then you feel guilt, and then you have the constant head-smack feeling all day long, and it follows you to bed, and then as you lay there in the dark you wonder why you are ever around people since you can't keep your blasted mouth shut, which is why you are a hermit in the first place, because you just don't play well with others, even though you have fantasies about being some social goddess, but that never ever happens, because you ARE a hermit and have long since stopped knowing how to be normal around other human beings??

Yeah.

That's me.

Time to buy a cabin in the woods.

I mean, I already want to buy a goat, and that just thrusts me down a few levels below normal anyway.

I'm a goat person.

Who needs to live in the woods.

Away from people.

That way I wouldn't have to shave my legs on a weekly basis to not offend the sisters at church, either.

Yeah.

Little Goat Bleat, Little Dara Disappear...