Monday, March 26, 2012

Oops, I did it again!

I stood in the bathroom, staring at myself.

I didn't have any makeup on, as part of my attempt to go "natural" and my hair was semi-slimy from running my fingers repeatedly through it.

I felt ugly.

So, I picked up the scissors, and started cutting away at my hair, conservatively.

I looked like a stereo-typical librarian, sans the glasses.

Something had to change...

More layers?

Yes, definitely more layers.

*snip snip*

Didn't help.

And then the worst happened. I started cutting my hair short against my will.

Typically, when I cut my hair, I am doing it on purpose. To SAY something to the world, to proclaim my independence and adventuresome side, and to tell everyone, that I, yes, I am the type of person who can rock short hair.

Nope.

Not this time.

You see, I WANT to grow my hair out, and rock "model" hair.

I've never done that.

Growing up, my hair was a one length, Marsha Brady long hair-do, with thick bangs (that covered my eyebrows...which was handy when I had a mishap with pruning my brow bushes, and needed to cover them up until they grew back in...).

Model hair...yes...Something to strive for.

But no, I stood in the bathroom and winced as I cut my hair, and my brain came up with a little poem to keep me entertained while I did it:

Cutting it short wasn't part of the plan.
The haircut is getting far out of hand.
I cut it all off! Now I look like a man!
Cutting it short wasn't part of the plan...

*sigh*

Usually I feel liberated and empowered after one of these episodes. But I don't.

It's probably because I feel bad as a person, right now.

You know, when you say or do the worst thing you could possibly do, and then you feel guilt, and then you have the constant head-smack feeling all day long, and it follows you to bed, and then as you lay there in the dark you wonder why you are ever around people since you can't keep your blasted mouth shut, which is why you are a hermit in the first place, because you just don't play well with others, even though you have fantasies about being some social goddess, but that never ever happens, because you ARE a hermit and have long since stopped knowing how to be normal around other human beings??

Yeah.

That's me.

Time to buy a cabin in the woods.

I mean, I already want to buy a goat, and that just thrusts me down a few levels below normal anyway.

I'm a goat person.

Who needs to live in the woods.

Away from people.

That way I wouldn't have to shave my legs on a weekly basis to not offend the sisters at church, either.


Yeah.
Little Goat Bleat, Little Dara Disappear...

7 comments:

Katscratchme said...

Growing hair out is hard.. which is why I'll never try again.

Shanon said...

I have always wondered if there was anyone else in the world that worried so much about what they said or did that they told themselves over and over again how awful they were and then decided to never, ever leave the house again. I thought I was the only one. So...why are you buying a goat? Is that what hermits do? Maybe I should think about getting one. Your haircut looks great...I can't believe you did that yourself! By-the-way, you have no idea who I am...I followed you from mmb. Thanks for helping me feel normal. :)

Amy said...

I always thought it was freakish how you could cut your own hair...and have it come out looking cute.

I love you in short hair! It says "Dara" to me.

Shydandelion said...

You are welcome, Shannon! :D As to the goat thing, I really think it would be fun to make my own cheese, and cows are so big, and I have this all-consuming fear of being kicked by one. Goats are more manageable, and I hear they make great companions! Perfect for living in the woods...

Rebecca said...

i love your hair! Did you know that we had about 25 goats in the backyard?!??!?! It was crazy! One of the Huskies thought it was great fun to chase them. Not so great! The Husky also thought it was okay to go after the kids... one died... :( Now we have no goats and one less Husky... :(

Les said...

You look absolutely beautiful!!! Your short hair has always done so many amazing things for you, I have always loved how it brings out your eyes which are amazingly gorgeous. And I totally understand being a hermit, that totally is my life. I see the other women in my cul-de-sac getting together and talking while watching their kids and rather than go out and join them I hermit myself away inside. It is amazing how many books you can read when you are a hermit. I don't suggest getting a goat but if you do good luck!

"DRAW NEARER TO HEAVEN IN 2011" said...

I hear ya. I get around people and try to socialize. Then when I leave, I'm like, "what the heck was I even talking about!? I sound like a total weirdo!" this is why I no longer attend extra curricular church activities. It just isn't worth the emotional turmoil or the Physical energy drain. I prefer to be at home and dream of the day I have a bit of land for chickens, a large garden, and little children running free outside- and no neighbors! BTW your hair is cute. You are lucky that you can pull off short hair. I've always wanted a pixie cut, but I don't think I have the face for it. I'm much to round.

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