Saturday, January 3, 2009

Introspection

So...
As we were getting ready for bed last night, I hugged my husband, and said, quite sincerely, "You are my favorite person!" I was feeling all warm and gooey, and I had to express my devotion for my Jeremy. And what did he say back??
"What? You mean, besides you?"
"Hey!"
Blah...
He tried to convince me that he meant no slight, but that he thought that you needed to love yourself before you could love others, yada yada yada...Riiiiiiiigggghttttt.
"YOU ARE CALLING ME SELF-CENTERED, AREN'T YOU!!!??? AREN'T YOU!!!??????"
Well, anyway...
So, I have a question, which is totally off subject.
Suppose you have this old friend, who really isn't a friend anymore...more like a mortal enemy. And every time you go somewhere, like Wal-Mart, you run into this person and their spouse. And suppose you happened to find this person on a Facebook or MySpace page...and suppose it got back to you that this person was saying nasty things about you? Like this person is in your parents' stake and is talking to ward members who in turn tell your husband about it? About stuff that happened oh, I dunno, say 6 years ago...Which really didn't happen. What would you do? My first inclination was to stifle all mean remarks by inviting this person to be my friend on the networking site I found them on. What would you do? Do you think it would stop the rumor mill (assuming anybody listens to this person... I wouldn't...but then, I know this person (or did anyway)..). I am in quite a quandary. Jeremy is against it, since it might make the spouse cranky, and they might think I am a "hussy" as he put it. My friend, Rista, is against it. My friend, Tia, is of the belief that some friendships cannot be salvaged. My fear is that I will obsess over this until I "resolve" it. Almost like I have some chore left undone...but you know what they say...If you could and would give of what you have, but can't, it is still counted to you as a blessing. So is it good enough that I am willing to lay aside all nastiness in my heart in favor of peace? Is it good enough that I don't have to say anything to this person? What would you do?

15 comments:

Katscratchme said...

I have found over the years that digging things like this up just isn't worth it. In fact, it usually turns out making me more cranky than I started out.
The other thing to consider is that this person is doing incredible damage to themselves and their relationship with their spouse just because they can't let it go. Don't do the same to yourself.
The best thing you can do is chalk it up as a learning experience and let them go. They're going to do what they want to do regardless.

Trillium said...

Emily is absolutely, categorically, positively, unquestionably, unanimously, infinitely,and utterly right.

You have only one righteous choice: forgive this individual for his weakness, frailty, & nastiness. And pray for him and the spouse. This apparent obsession is not just sad and pitiable, it is self-destructive.

You can thank Heavenly Father every day that you saw him for what he was six years ago. Run as fast as you can away from his facebook or myspace page!!!!!

When you run into them at Walmart, be kind, but not "friendly." Someday you will be given an opportunity to verbally say, "I forgive you."

If you are being slandered on his facebook or myspace page, I believe that you do have legal options.

shydandelion said...

Okay. Well, as far as I know he isn't posting anything about me, but then again, I couldn't possibly know, because that information is blocked, unless I am his "friend." Alrighty. Well, I guess it IS enough for me to be willing to let it go. I guess I just don't want it to bite me someday.. Do you think it might?

Katscratchme said...

I think your attempts to be his "friend" might be more likely to bite you. Don't put yourself into a position you might regret. Remember, YOU can't change anyone but yourself. If this person doesn't want to change, they will go back to doing hurtful things no matter how nice you are to them.

Jen said...

It is clear that this person is whacked in the head and can't get over you. . . show that you are over him by never bringing him up again. It's done. It's over. Get on with it.

Isn't it funny how we all know who it is???

Besides, people who interact with him will figure out he's whacked soon enough and will think more highly of you than of him. Especially if you don't retaliate or ingratiate yourself to him.

shydandelion said...

That's true...Sigh...I guess it's my over-inflated view of justice. :P

DebbieLou said...

Time after time I tried to mend things with my own brother in a similar fashion to what you were contiplating, and it did exactly what Emily and Mom said. It only enabled him to mistreat my family and myself more. When confronted again, I laid down the law as to how we were to be treated if he wished to continue communicating with me. He chose to cut all ties.

It's heart breaking at times, not to mention the frustration at some of the damage done. Interrestingly enough, he has continued this same behavior with so many other family members etc... that they now know what he is capable of. Being coordial, forgiving him, and praying for him are all that seem to work for now. If and when someone changes, you can be sure that they will come knocking to mend the damage and start your friendship fresh. Until then, I don't think that there is much more that you can do.

As for others being influenced by these falsehoods being spread, anyone worth having as a friend won't let them get in their way of having an open mind, believing in redemption,and getting to know the really FABULOUS you.

Zaphod said...

I think tht maybe you should move to some place where you would never here his name again, some place so utter out of contact with the world you live in that the fellow could never possibly come to your mind. Some place like Fort Worth, Texas.

Davola said...

We got enough crazy people out here, we don't need any more paranoid, panzy, bushwhackers out here.

Davola said...

My boss is a little Italian guy named Lou, I'm sure he has connections if you need to arrange an "accident".

Tiffany said...

That misunderstanding with Jeremy is like what happens on a daily basis with me and Ammon...I swear!

As far as your enemy person, I have a really hard time holding things in personally, so I may not be the best person to give advice. But I do say, if it keeps bothering you maybe you should get it off your chest and confront the person. Anyway, do what you think will help best. :)

DebbieLou said...

Yah, yah, move to Ft. Worth, then we will be able to see you more often! It's not too long of a drive for us. In fact, we have some friends that moved there from CA just before we left. We visit each other from time to time.

shydandelion said...

You guys are all awesome! Thanks for your support. I have decided that no matter what people may do, I am just going to not let it bother me anymore (or try my best anyway!). And, are you trying to get rid of me, Dad??

Zaphod said...

No, I have just been waiting to pull a "Fort Worth" joke on you for years, given that Fort Worth is right next to.......

shydandelion said...

I'm not listening! *Hand on hears* LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!!

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