Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Sniffle, wipe, sniffle drip drip....










Some days, you just need to curl up in a pile of warm, clean laundry...




I've needed to do that for the last 3 days.




I've been so sick, I forgot I wrote a blog on Monday. I KID YOU NOT.




Jeremy reminded me Monday night.




I clicked on my blog to look at my blog list (you know, so I could read you guys'es' blogs...Yes. I do read them. And, I would like to comment, if you could just change your comment settings...yeah, I'm talking to YOU! No more of this "Open ID" crap. Let's play nice and let everyone comment! Oh, and you private bloggers out there, I lost some of your blogs when my computer crashed, so if you could send me your links again...that would be nice...), and he said, "HEY! You didn't tell me you wrote a new blog!"




I sniffed loudly, wiped my nose on my yoga pants, rubbed my watery eyes, coughed in his face and said,




"That's because I forgot...*cough cough*"




He looked at me like I was crazy.




Which I am, so I should be used to the look by now.




I've been so sick I FORGOT I was sick.




One of my friends called me up to invite me to a Dessert Party (no idea what it is, but it sounds potentially life-changingly exciting), and I said,




"Yeah, that sounds like fund! What timbe is it at? Oh, wait...I'mb sick, but maybe I'll be bedder by Friday..."




I've seriously been sick 30 times this year. Maybe it's because I'm getting old. I don't know. I take enough vitamin D to start my own solar system (you know, me, at the center, shining brightly with some orbiting planetoids, meteors, and other space junk, with vitamin D oozing out my pores in a gloriously yellow glow...). Maybe our living space has mold.




Maybe I have AIDS from licking a sucker my kids dropped on a used bandaid.




Or maybe it's BECAUSE PEOPLE KEEP BRINGING THEIR SICK CHILDREN TO PRIMARY AND TURNING MY KIDS IN TO TYPHOID MARYS THAT KEEP GETTING ME SICK! EVERY OTHER FREAKING WEEK! GAAAHHHH....




...I suppose this wouldn't be a problem if my children didn't insist on licking...or sharing their boogers...with me...and my shirt....and everything else...




And can you imagine if they went to school??? Eeya...It'd be like a scene out of that movie I watched about Ebola where the people were all stretched out on stretchers (which seems reasonable...), and were patiently waiting for their brains to turn to mush...yeah...except it would just be me, with my littles running around cheering my death on so they can have free access to the monkey bread.




"...Ra ra ah ah ah Ma Ma goo goo gah...want your bad sickness..."




Bleh...

3 comments:

Steven said...

What you need is green chile, woman! I hear you on people who take their sick kids to church, or go when they're sick. I don't think God hands out brownie points for perfect church attendance while killing your neighbors with the plague.

Trillium said...

I'm sorry you are sick. Maybe your Vitamin D is made by a sub-par pharmaceutical company.

ceej said...

I totally agree with the green chile! i haven't been sick much since being with my amazing boyfriend chef that loves anything spicy enough to use in napalm, the capsaicin oil that makes the peppers spicy is really good for you and probably gets rid of the germs by making them want to flee the area. My boyfriend is never sick for more than a day or two and all he gets is a scratchy throat. he also drinks about 2 gallons of water a day...so drink up and spice it up!

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