Friday, November 6, 2009

Cautionary Tales from Me and Things that go BUMP in my head.

I ain't drinking milk from this cow...

First things first...Soy milk tastes really gross.
Whew, got that off my chest...


(In case you want a tasty alternative to cow or soy milk, try almond milk. It tastes like candy. Of course, it could be all the evaporated cane juice they put in it. They put it in soy milk too, but for some reason it doesn't taste as good. We tried to slip some in Eva's morning milk, and, after detecting the foreign entity, she returned the partially undrunk bottle to me, telling me that she didn't like it.)


Second thing...We went to Build-A-Bear to get baby her very own custom-made polar bear (why I think my children need stuffed animals I will never know...), and Josh and Eva FREAKED OUT that they didn't get one too--never mind the fact that they both have their own custom stuffed animals at home.... I had heard once when you are to have a new baby, that when you get something for them, you should get something for your other kids as well, so they don't feel jealous. Being a conscientious mommy, I dragged my screaming children from Build-A-Bear and into Hallmark to get them their own little animals (at a far cheaper price). That only resulted in Joshua and Eva wanting one of everything, and I left Hallmark with a little less money in my pocket, two horribly spoiled children in tow, and yet two more Beanie Babies to add to the already staggering mound at home. Why do I do this? To be "fair," of course...but I don't recommend it.


Third thought...If you are going to buy a car seat for your baby, and if you don't really like it, for heaven's sake, don't use it, let your child stain it, leave oddly shaped cereal in it, and then take it back to Wal-Mart for some poor, unknowing soul (me) to purchase, take home, install, and then step back in disgust when they realize what they have gotten into. Lacks class. Is DEVOID of class...







Fourthly, homemade poppy seed salad dressing is tasty. Homemade apple-orange salad dressing isn't. And it in no way makes spinach taste good.







Fifthly, I think that every woman who can should shave their legs frequently. I don't think men should at all. Except cyclists. Nothing more weird looking than a man in spandex with wolfman legs. Except perhaps a woman in spandex with wolfman legs.


Sixthly, I don't think telling people what is "wrong" with them is in any way useful...or nice (number three is an exception because I haven't actually said it to the person...that makes it okay, right?). All it does is make that person not like you (and I don't care if the car seat villain doesn't like me).


Seventhly (is that a word?), Albertson's makes really tasty peanut butter cookies. Don't buy them.


Eighthly (not a word either...), I really don't like pears, but I keep buying them, and forcing myself to eat them. I think I may have a mental problem.


Ninethly (should be a word), I think people would do well having microchips installed in their bodies, like they do with cats and dogs now. That way, you could never lose someone. Jeremy thinks it's a bad idea.






And finally, if listening to Christmas music makes you happy, you should be able to listen to it whenever you want without being criticized. Even if it's in June.

14 comments:

Katscratchme said...

Yes, yes, yes.

Jen said...

Here's one to add to your list . . . real live dead bodies look neither real nor live. They look like freaky mannequins in haunted houses. Just so you know.

shydandelion said...

Eee...that's creepy.

Trillium said...

One: Christmas music works like magic to fill you with love and happiness. I started in October. Did you really start in June?

word verification: darly
(things like Dara)--
"darly thoughts" "darly feelings"

Trillium said...

Two: eating things that you "should" even if you really don't like them makes you fat.

Trillium said...

Three: following other people's smug rules (about being "fair" and keeping things "even" with your kids) will make you crazy. No matter how hard you try to be "fair" your children will say to each other until the day they die, "Mom love YOU best!"

Trillium said...

Four: Albertsons will give you 5 pounds of sugar for free when you turn in your old "Preferred" card.

Trillium said...

Five: Children and other wanderers (like husbands in Walmart) should have GPS beacons installed in them so you can locate them when they get lost.

shydandelion said...

I actually started listening to Christmas music in March... :P

Zaphod said...

How do you pronounce "ninethly", with two or three syllables?

When I go to the store, I always look for the sign that says "You are here" marked with an "X". I am always right, and if people really wanted to find me, all they would have to do is look at one of thosed signs. They would then know exactly where I was.

Rebecca said...

i have a clock that chimes christmas a different christmas song on the hour... my co-workers hate. I think they are all cousins to scrooge or thre grinch.

Tina said...

I think your comments were just as enjoyable as your post!! You have some very good points my dear and that whole car seat deal. Are you kidding me? You poor thing. I hate buying something and having to turn around and take it back. It takes the fun out of it.
So, no baby? or have you not posted about it yet? When is your actual due date?

shydandelion said...

I am due on the 17th, but the CNM said that she didn't think I would make it another week! So, here's crossing my fingers... :)

Tara said...

Hmmm...my kids are always saying, "Mom loves ME best" Wonder what that means...
Thanks for the post - it made me laugh aloud even though I'm so exhausted tonight that I can't hold up my end of a conversation for lack of animation/enthusiasm!
See. Did that last statement even make sense? So tired.

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