Crazy Business, This Thing Called Life
When I was younger, I thought I had it all figured out. Everything was black and white. So easy.
Then I got married and had kids, and the black and white suddenly began smearing into odd swirls and finger-printed streaks.
I remember when a decision was a decision and it was so easy. SO easy.
Now, I hem and haw, and brood, and wonder, and get stupider, and wander around wondering why I walked into the kitchen because I am so blasted distracted and preoccupied.
What is up with that??
But one thing has remained.
I still care too much what people think.
Why?
Beats me.
I shouldn't.
Even if I could please everyone, chances are they wouldn't like me for being spineless anyway.
I have been on a roller coaster of emotions and I am exhausted. E X H A U S T E D.
I have reached my limit.
I can do no more.
I am going to eat as much chocolate as I possibly can.
And watch an episode of "Poirot."
And worry some other day.
And stop caring what other people think.
Because they probably don't think about me as much as my ego says they do.
I keep trying to tell him (yes, my ego is a man, to go with my equally male body pillow) to shut up, because nobody likes whining.
Should Josh stay in school? Probably not. Am I going to keep him there? Probably not. Do I feel bad about (supposedly) disappointing the ladies I carpool with? Infinitely. Will they get over it? Probably as soon as yesterday.
Is pulling him out going to damage my child? I don't know. Is keeping him in there going to damage him? Maybe. Will it damage me? Definitely.
If you have made it this far into my blog, good for you. Do I care if you have? Yes. Should I? No. Do I care what you have to say about my child's education? Yes. Should I? Definitely not.
Because, really, who knows better? Me? The mother? Yes. Yes, I do. Even though I am pretty sure a whole bunch of you think I am as dumb as a rock. But, I'm not. I can count up to ten with the help of my fingers, twenty if I take my shoes off.
Then I got married and had kids, and the black and white suddenly began smearing into odd swirls and finger-printed streaks.
I remember when a decision was a decision and it was so easy. SO easy.
Now, I hem and haw, and brood, and wonder, and get stupider, and wander around wondering why I walked into the kitchen because I am so blasted distracted and preoccupied.
What is up with that??
But one thing has remained.
I still care too much what people think.
Why?
Beats me.
I shouldn't.
Even if I could please everyone, chances are they wouldn't like me for being spineless anyway.
I have been on a roller coaster of emotions and I am exhausted. E X H A U S T E D.
I have reached my limit.
I can do no more.
I am going to eat as much chocolate as I possibly can.
And watch an episode of "Poirot."
And worry some other day.
And stop caring what other people think.
Because they probably don't think about me as much as my ego says they do.
I keep trying to tell him (yes, my ego is a man, to go with my equally male body pillow) to shut up, because nobody likes whining.
Should Josh stay in school? Probably not. Am I going to keep him there? Probably not. Do I feel bad about (supposedly) disappointing the ladies I carpool with? Infinitely. Will they get over it? Probably as soon as yesterday.
Is pulling him out going to damage my child? I don't know. Is keeping him in there going to damage him? Maybe. Will it damage me? Definitely.
If you have made it this far into my blog, good for you. Do I care if you have? Yes. Should I? No. Do I care what you have to say about my child's education? Yes. Should I? Definitely not.
Because, really, who knows better? Me? The mother? Yes. Yes, I do. Even though I am pretty sure a whole bunch of you think I am as dumb as a rock. But, I'm not. I can count up to ten with the help of my fingers, twenty if I take my shoes off.
Comments
The mockers in the great and spacious building are always there. A whole bunch of them (they always out-number those on "the path"). They will keep pointing their fingers and mocking until you join them in the GASB and become a mocker too.
Lehi's dream tells us to hold to the iron rod and "press forward." When we are made "ashamed" by the mockers, we stop pressing forward and we let go of the iron rod, and are inevitably "lost" wandering in "strange paths."
At some point, after much prayer and pondering, you and your husband will agree on a correct path. It won't necessarily be an easy path. But, you will know it is the right path. After you recognize the correct path, "concerned friends" may suggest (with doubt in their eyes) that maybe you have made a wrong decision. Just remember that you don't need to explain your decision to everyone. You are entitled to revelation concerning your family, they aren't.
If you want to home school then that is wonderful. Think of all the things Josh won't hear and won't learn from other kids. I've already been told some things from Cloey that happen at school and it doesn't make me happy.
Don't EVER feel bad for home schooling. You are smart and I know that you would succeed at it and so will Josh. Stop worrying about what others will say and worry more about Josh and his feelings. Sounds like you and him would do better with home school so if it feels right... go for it. I'm behind you 100%!!! (If that even matters to you!! smile)