What I am wearing

I have a pair of pedal pushers. They are comfy and have red flowers on them--see picture (and ignore my dry and scaly legs). Mom bought them for me a couple of years ago for my birthday, and I LOVE THEM! These particular PJs even masqueraded as bloomers on a handcart trek--and I wasn't the one wearing them (another story for another day...). I take pride in these pajamas, and am happy to tell you so.

Why, do you ask?

To prove a point.

Not to you, necessarily, but to myself.

You see, a few weeks ago, I went to dinner with some ladies I know (you know who you are! By the way, P.F. Changs is so GOOD!). After, as I was waiting for a slightly annoyed receptionist to get me another box of free rice, I got to talking with Tiffany, who was also waiting for the slightly annoyed receptionist to get her a box of free rice.

"I am so glad you came!" Tiffany said, brightly.

"Me too," I said. "I wasn't sure I was going to because I thought there might be a huge group, and I am really shy."
"Really?" Tiffany sounded shocked. "You don't strike me as shy at all."
"Oh yes," I said. "I the shyest person you have met, are meeting, will ever met, and I bet if you found someone else claiming to be shy, I could beat their shy by at least 25 %. I am THAT shy."

I then proceeded to tell Tiffany my life story (I am so sorry, Tiffany!).

I realized something after that conversation.
I am so not shy.

The only time I was shy was in high school (and college, when I sung with LDC, because, sheesh, being in a room with so many talented singers is extremely intimidating.), and I think that was more self-preservation than anything else (But, who can really claim they came through high school unscathed? Did you? Yeah, I didn't think so.).
So, since I came to myself, as they say, I have analyzed what I actually am. And this time, I think I have it right.

I am afraid of rejection.

Ah, but that is not all!

I am solitary.

So, if I am sitting by myself at church it is not because people scare me. It is because I am afraid I will scare them. Seriously, if I can pin someone down, and get the sense that they are remotely interested in talking to me, I will go crazy.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Then, I like to retreat, having unloaded on some poor soul.
It's kind of like when panthers stalk their prey, attack it, drag it up a tree, eat it, and then leave the carcass in the jungle.
It's sad but true.
But at least I can honestly look at myself and say I am not shy. It's actually quite liberating.