Thursday, April 9, 2009

What I am wearing

I have a pair of pedal pushers. They are comfy and have red flowers on them--see picture (and ignore my dry and scaly legs). Mom bought them for me a couple of years ago for my birthday, and I LOVE THEM! These particular PJs even masqueraded as bloomers on a handcart trek--and I wasn't the one wearing them (another story for another day...). I take pride in these pajamas, and am happy to tell you so.

Why, do you ask?

To prove a point.

Not to you, necessarily, but to myself.

You see, a few weeks ago, I went to dinner with some ladies I know (you know who you are! By the way, P.F. Changs is so GOOD!). After, as I was waiting for a slightly annoyed receptionist to get me another box of free rice, I got to talking with Tiffany, who was also waiting for the slightly annoyed receptionist to get her a box of free rice.

"I am so glad you came!" Tiffany said, brightly.

"Me too," I said. "I wasn't sure I was going to because I thought there might be a huge group, and I am really shy."
"Really?" Tiffany sounded shocked. "You don't strike me as shy at all."
"Oh yes," I said. "I the shyest person you have met, are meeting, will ever met, and I bet if you found someone else claiming to be shy, I could beat their shy by at least 25 %. I am THAT shy."

I then proceeded to tell Tiffany my life story (I am so sorry, Tiffany!).

I realized something after that conversation.
I am so not shy.

The only time I was shy was in high school (and college, when I sung with LDC, because, sheesh, being in a room with so many talented singers is extremely intimidating.), and I think that was more self-preservation than anything else (But, who can really claim they came through high school unscathed? Did you? Yeah, I didn't think so.).
So, since I came to myself, as they say, I have analyzed what I actually am. And this time, I think I have it right.

I am afraid of rejection.

Ah, but that is not all!

I am solitary.

So, if I am sitting by myself at church it is not because people scare me. It is because I am afraid I will scare them. Seriously, if I can pin someone down, and get the sense that they are remotely interested in talking to me, I will go crazy.


Then, I like to retreat, having unloaded on some poor soul.
It's kind of like when panthers stalk their prey, attack it, drag it up a tree, eat it, and then leave the carcass in the jungle.
It's sad but true.
But at least I can honestly look at myself and say I am not shy. It's actually quite liberating.


Katscratchme said...

I guess I am not shy either, when it comes down to it... I am reserved and I crave acceptance.
I too attack people with a verbal novel when I sense that interest that I interpret as victim weakness.
Oh... and give me any opening to talk about Dragons... you just might see Christmas come and go, as well as your youth and desire to live.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Dragons...

Trillium said...

Hmmmm... I think I detect 2 Tiger Lilies. We now have proof that Tiger Lilies can actually be descended from a Shrinking Violet! LOL

elmesses: maybe the Shrinking Violet married an Elm and the resulting offspring were "Elm-Messes" LOL :D

Zaphod said...

Hmmm... Can tiger lillies descend from a shrinking violet and a skunk cabbage?

Anonymous said...

Skunk cabbage...that sounds awful...

Tiffany said...

Dara, you make me laugh so much!!! You are so awesome! I told you so (that you aren't shy). :) ha ha

And please don't say sorry for telling me your 'life story' as you say, it was definitely fascinating!

I think I'm a lot like you actually. I hate being rejected by people, and I have been many times. I guess the difference is that I always for some reason keep trying to seek out as many people as I can who will accept me, probably to make up for all the rejections!

Rebecca said...

i think all the hydelets inherited reverved personalities and can be quite verbose when the opportunity presents itself.

i also think we are all people pleasers and would deeply wounded when we have discovered that we have offended or disturbed another... :)

parcurga: verbal purge

Anonymous said...

You are so cute, Tiffany!

amy said...'re not shy.

I LOVE the peddle pushers!

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