Saturday, September 20, 2014

Are you good enough?

I was holding a paper Subway napkin to my face to soak up the tears as I heard these words. I had spent a good chunk of the evening this way, going through a whole stack of them.

The lines come from the movie, "Moms' Night Out," 

They resonated with me, and the rush of emotions being set free was soothing to my battered soul.

Being a mom is hard. Being human is hard. 

Especially when you know how good at it you could be, and how bad at it you really are

I mean, we all have a front row seat to our own ineptitude, and we are so, so quick to throw tomatoes at ourselves and boo when we make mistakes. I don't know how many times I have yelled at myself, "GET OFF THE STAGE, YOU HACK!"  I have spent the last three months feeling like an utter failure, with no hope in sight. 

Jeremy and Josh went on a father-son camp out, and that left me to my own devices after all the little women went to bed. I sat down to watch "Moms' Night Out" hoping for some fun silliness, and came away feeling like a broken part of my soul had been mended. 

"Jesus will always be loving you with His arms open wide, just for being you." 

Watching this movie came on the heels of this video (that also had me weeping into my shirt) from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: 

A few months ago, Jeremy and I decided it would be fun to take the kids up to Temple Square. We ate lunch at City Creek before walking to the grounds, and I remember feeling a little defeated since I was trying to lose weight and we had eaten at Johnny Rockets (I think "dieting" is evil). As we walked through the gates and made our way to the reflection pool, I heard a voice. It said, "You are enough." 

I was surprised at this and, now, a little sad I didn't listen and internalize it like I should have. But Heavenly Father reached me through other means, exactly when I needed it, and helped me remember what He had already told me months ago. I am enough. I may be flawed and need to improve, and I should, but I am enough. You are enough. It may not feel like it, but it's true.  

I think our souls are like old pants, and by life's end they become worn and faded with everything we've gone through. But there don't need to be holes. God will pepper us with patches if we let Him. 

There is a Balm in Gilead,
To make the wounded whole,
There is a Balm in Gilead
To heal the sin sick soul.

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