Trying Too Hard

Have you ever had those times when you force yourself to do things because you feel like you have to? And you can't just "do" them. You have to make them spectacular and majestic.

But then you realize that what you are doing is trying to push a cow up a cliff, and that cow will never be majestic, no matter how much lipstick you put on it.

I have been doing this a lot lately.

I think it's because I want to feel like what I do matters, and I want it to show.

"SEE? This majestic cow MATTERS!"

And then I feel overwhelmed because I don't have just one majestically-lip-sticked cow. I have a whole herd.

And then I don't want to do anything at all.

Because pushing cows up cliffs is not only really hard, but also impossible.

So, I've started asking myself questions, and have answered myself occasionally, and have decided to just simplify.

Instead of pushing the cow around, I'm going to learn how to build fires.

Not real ones (though that would be a handy skill to learn, especially if my fears come true and I have to survive alone in the middle of nowhere and need to build a fire to roast the spiny lizard I managed to capture and to boil the water I drew up from the well I dug, which, oddly, was very near where I found the lizard...), but metaphorical ones.

I want to do something that matters!

And right now, those are my little people.

I don't mean doing things for my kids (like last weekend when I spent all afternoon crafting a Loch Ness monster for them out of felt, and let them all go hungry because they NEEDED the Loch Ness monster more than food), but be with them, and help kindle their own little fires.

The fires that ignite their imaginations. The fires that give life to ideas. The fires that drive them to do what their little souls are meant to do.

I think this is important.

Children crave to feel loved, needed, and useful. And that's what I need to do.

I have spent too much time being distracted by meaningless things, and need to throw myself into their tiny world.

So, I'm going to let everything else fall away, and see what adventures they lead me on!

This article from June's Ensign stuck out to me. Check it out! It certainly gave me things to ponder.

“The answer to our prayer of how to meet our children’s needs may be to more often technologically disconnect. Precious moments of opportunity to interact and converse with our children dissolve when we are occupied with distractions. Why not choose a time each day to disconnect from technology and reconnect with each other? Simply turn everything off. When you do this, your home may seem quiet at first; you may even feel at a loss as to what to do or say. Then, as you give full attention to your children, a conversation will begin, and you can enjoy listening to each other.”

Rosemary M. Wixom, Primary general president, “The Words We Speak,”Ensign, May 2013, 82.