Monday, March 17, 2014

To whom shall we go?

With General Conference coming up in a few weeks, I have been listening to last October's conference. 

I usually don't get much out of conference while I am listening to in because of all the little distractions around here, so I look forward to reading them or watching them after.

I should tell you that I have been struggling for the last few weeks. I feel like I am hanging on by a thread sometimes when it comes to persevering through hard times, and enduring to the end like I have been taught. 

Sometimes it seems like it would all be easier if I just gave up and quit altogether.
But I don't, because I have been taught by my parents otherwise, and I respect and love them, and also because I have tried it out for myself, and know that what I believe in is true.

That doesn't make it any less hard, though.

In fact, it seems to make it harder. 

As I have struggled to keep my head above water, and keep swimming towards the shore I know is there, I have ups and downs, but I keep going. 

I have to keep going! I scream inwardly. 

And so I alternately swim and then float, waiting for relief, and sometimes gasping for breath and swallowing sea water. 

I have asked myself pertinent questions during these last few weeks:

Do I believe in Jesus Christ? Yes.

Do I know that I have a loving Heavenly Father? Yes.

Do I believe that the Church is true?  Yes.

Do I believe the scriptures, both the Bible and the Book of Mormon, to be the Word of God? Yes.

And then I sorted out my feelings and concluded that I am tired. 

Fighting the good fight day in and day out is very hard. 

And so it is tempting to just say to myself, "Okay, for today, I will just stop, and rest." But I know this will only make me go backward.

So, in this state of being, I have been listening to the counsel given by the servants of God.

I do this while I am doing my makeup in the morning, since I seem to absorb things better when I am hearing it, rather than reading it, sometimes. 

And as I stood looking at my reflection in the mirror, these words were spoken:

"Then Jesus said unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?"

And at that moment, it felt like Christ was standing right next to me, asking me that question. I will forever love Peter for what he said to the Savior: 

"Then Simon Peter answered him and said, To whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life."

I felt my heart come into alignment with my Savior at that moment, and felt His love and His gentle pleading for me to not leave Him. I knew that I could keep my head above water with His help, and keep going, even when I am spent.

1 comment:

Trillium said...

Hang in there!! Love you!

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