Netflixanphetamines

A month ago, we decided to give Netflix a shot.

Again.

You see, a few years ago when we tried it, things got way out of control and Jeremy and I were glued to the TV, our bottoms expanding to encompass the width of the couch.

Before our trial even ended, I was through. I deleted our account, and swore never to come back.

Netflix was the devil.

Years pass...

Jeremy and I were struggling to find shows online without getting viruses or having naughty pop-ups spring out at us, and I decided that to avoid all that garbage, we should just get Netflix.

Jeremy protested.

"I dunno, Dara," he began. "Can we control ourselves?" And he said it with such emphasis that he may as well have said, "Can YOU control YOURself?"

I glared at him through squinty eyes, and said, "Of course we can."

Suddenly the whole world was open to us (as far as only streaming can open the world up), and we sat in awe at our TV as show after show unfolded before us in awesome glory.

We blazed through season after season of Sci-Fi shows.

...all in about 4 days.

Despite the gluttony I was experiencing, I felt robbed.

I was tired and miserable during the day, and all I had energy for at night was sitting and zoning, as the devil led me carefully down to hell. Well, more like, "as I jump roped giddily with him following behind me yelling that he was supposed to be in front."

I brought my concerns to Jeremy.

It was a struggle to get him to maintain eye contact. He had just discovered that Netflix had every episode of "Robocop" and "Knight Rider."

"Jeremy..." I started.

Nothing.

"Jeremy!" I snapped, clapping my hand sharply for good measure.

It broke his trance and he looked my way briefly with red, watery eyes.

"Jeremy, I don't think this is healthy."

He made some non-committal sound.

"We are spending way too much time watching TV..."

Nothing.

"...I think we should get rid of Netflix."

Large, tear-filled eyes turned my way.

"What???"

I then explained as quickly and emphatically as I could (just in case David Hasslehoff stole my husband away again) how we had all these dreams and plans, and how they would never come to fruition if we sat watching every episode of "Sliders."

Jeremy reluctantly agreed.

And so I shut down our account.

Take that, Devil-Spawn, I thought....I cut off my offending left hand....

....Until the next day, when I broke down and let the kids watch "My Little Ponies."

Sigh...

(I have to admit... I really like that show. Although, Jeremy apparently knows more about it than I do, since he managed to retell the last episode to me, where Twilight Sparkle turns into an alicorn, blah blah blah...)

Jeremy and I discussed that maybe we would just keep Netflix during the off-season of the shows we like during the fall and winter, and we left it at that, leaving our hopes and dreams of being productive individuals to wither and die along the wayside.

Last night, as I was setting up dinner, I called to Jeremy for assistance.

It took THREE times to get him to tear himself away from "Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure." The smile plastered on his face and his wide-eyed wonder from watching the little blond fairy and her friends was cute and all, but eating is sort of necessary.

I think somebody may need to stage an intervention.

But wait until I'm done watching the rest of the only season of "Rosemary and Thyme."