Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Prohibition and Skulls

There are quite a few things I'm not proud of.

Of late, it mostly has to do with my utter lack of self-control regarding my temper.

I would like to blame it on Baby X, but I can only go so far with that before I start crossing boundaries of verbal abuse towards my in utero child.

The last two days it's been because of Eden (former Baby X). We are trying to get her off the bottle (hee hee), and she is going through withdrawal in the middle of the night, and she insists on crying since no speak-easy is in sight, and even if there was, she hasn't figured out how to get out of her crib at this point. While waking up like this normally wouldn't bother me, my new body, courtesy of el pregnancio, requires no less than 22 1/2 hours of sleep a night, and complains loudly when it doesn't get it.

So, this morning when I finally emerged from my bedroom (notice I didn't say "when I woke up." I had already woken up. Three times.), my normally patient (cough), motherly (cough cough cough) self (cough?) had crawled under my bed and left me in a lurch.

It seemed like the kids were louder (and exceedingly more annoying) than normal. I know this couldn't be the case, because they already run at the highest noise capacity as it is (for example, when Josh says "hello" it's not "hello" it's "HEELLLOOOO!" etc.) I can only imagine this is what a hangover feels like, and I am now (if I wasn't before) a firm supporter of prohibition.

For some stupid reason, I thought that today would be a great day to go to the store with my exceedingly loud children. I had finally managed to get the kids to eat breakfast, and due to their exuberance in following Josh's call to throw their bodies repeatedly against the wall, I had already put two time-outs in place for my oldest children, and swore that if I heard one word from either of them the entire time we were out I would tack on 30 minutes to each of their sentences for each infraction.

They mutely made their way to the car and sat solemnly in their seats.

"GoOd," I grumbled, to myself. "TheY WiLl bE QuiEt Or I WilL Eat THEM."

Lily then decided it was a good time to start acting out, since her louder, older siblings had been successfully gagged.

"NO!" Lily exclaimed, repeatedly, every 3 seconds our entire trip to Wal-Mart. I felt like screaming it, too, but I already had people staring at me, no doubt because of my turning around every 10 seconds to growl at Joshua for not keeping the other cart where it should be, and finally deciding that I needed to have my hand on it so I didn't lose my leg with all his enthusiastic pushing of the dumb thing, which led to him crying softly to himself because he wanted to push it, and told me so every 15 seconds (by the time we left the store, Josh had accrued enough time to be in his room until his eighth birthday...).

I walked down the super glue aisle and grabbed what I could find, pausing only briefly to have an inward battle of choosing between some random brand and gorilla glue, and I thought, "Gorilla glue sounds so much stronger, PLUS it has an anti-clogging thingy..." but stuck with the known entity, and made my way out through the automotive section.

On my right was a display of car air fresheners.

There was a green skull with a massive under-bite, and I almost put it in my cart. I thought, "Look how rebellious and tough I am! I could have a green skull in my car, so THERE!"

I left it hanging on its hook, since I felt it was more rebellious to save money.

By the time I got home (after a much less pretty excursion to Costco), I was done.

Everybody ate quickly, everybody was deposited in a sleeping receptacle, and I ate a bat cookie, smothered in orange frosting and topped with Reese's pieces.

Yeah. Look at my bad self.

I would take a nap, but then I would have insomnia tonight.

Maybe I'll just have another cookie. 

1 comment:

Katscratchme said...

When you said el pregnancio, I had a vision in my head of massive destruction, a la El Nino! :P

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