Saturday, September 8, 2012

Because When I Open My Big Fat Mouth, Fun Stuff Comes Out That Makes People Mad, and, By Golly, I Like It

*Updated: I found the article! Scroll down...

Jeremy and I were a match made in heaven.

No, really, it's true.

We found each other at a time when we both needed someone kind and accepting, and found that we had so much in common. It was a beautiful thing.

And, as the almost-10-years have gone by, we've become more and more like each other. We don't look like each other yet, but I figure give it another few decades and gravity will help us in that arena.

Let's go back about 25 years.

You will see a punk kid (Jeremy...not me... I was perfect, for all my barbie-clothes-stealing from my neighbor friends...) who is getting the tar beaten out of him. This was a frequent occurrence. You see...Jeremy had a mouth.

Yes, I know. We ALL have mouths, but Jeremy had The Mouth, and it got him in oodles of trouble. Did all that trouble stop him? Nope. In fact, I think it fueled his mouthyness.

Sort of like it was a challenge: "Oh yeah!? Youz gonna beat me up?!? Well, if you thought what I said before was bad, just you wait until I toss the current gem I'm working on in your general direction..."

It was during this time period that a kid named Spencer intervened and became Jeremy's very tall advocate. Did Spencer just love Jeremy and had to save Jeremy from himself? Probably, but my theory is that he didn't want to see a death in the Boy Scout troop. Doesn't look good at the Eagle Scout Board review.

Anyway, thanks to Spencer, Jeremy grew up, and gained a enough bulk and height to defend himself, and kept right on being super mouthy. He learned to do it with a smile, and then learned how to apologize profusely when it looked like people's heads were going to explode.

But the main thing is, Jeremy isn't afraid to speak his mind. And it's not like he's spouting off stupid stuff. He actually has something intelligent to say.

So, as we've spent more time together, I've picked up on some of his mouthyness. It's semi-liberating, except the excessive amounts of guilt I feel when I do spout off sort of sags like a wet blanket on my soul. It's hard to shake, but Jeremy is in the forefront cheering me on, waving his "Go Dara!" flag enthusiastically as I fight my way out from under the soggy mass. And that keeps me doing it. That, and I just can't seem to shut up.

It's like when I was a kid and I was hurt/mad at/offended by Mom and Dad, and I swore in my wrath that I would become a mute, and my silence would burden their guilty souls for all eternity. Yeah. I usually couldn't make it a full hour before I HAD to talk to somebody about something.

The other thing that contributes to my mouthyness has something to do with Dungeons and Dragons.

Bear with me here, if you have no idea what I'm talking about. It will make sense, I promise.

Within the game of what I lovingly like to call D&;D, you have different types of people: Chaotic Evil (don't care for rules, or for any body's life, just their own selfish and cruel desires), Neutral (rather undecided folk, who just like balance), Lawful Neutral (judge-like types, who like order, rules and tradition), Chaotic Good (think Robinhood, or protesters who run around the street like crazy people for the rights of all mankind), etc.

And then there is Lawful Good. Straight arrow types. Right is right is right is right. But they get conflicted between "rights," like so: "I promised to save the Golden Egg of Righteousness, and I swore an oath that I would not return until I did, but if I do that, then I will have to leave the village of helpless peasants who don't care a fig about the Egg, and will, in fact, be destroyed if I bring the Egg back to their village, BUT, the Egg is on my conscience, BUT then their piteous deaths will be on my conscience, there must be some way to reconcile these two rights, must be...must..." And then the poor Lawful Good soul feels torn and conflicted and explodes, keeping none of the promises he made about the Egg, and all the villagers die.

That's me.

(Although, I do have fleeting Chaotic Evil tendencies, like right now when I ate--with the help of Lily and Eva-- almost an entire pan of Rice Krispie Treats, knowing full well that Jeremy and Josh wouldn't get any, and I just didn't care.)

What this whole thing is boiling down to is this:

NBC came out with their little blurb "Mormons in America." I watched it and was horribly disappointed. BUT, that's not the point.

Anyway, after it was broadcast the Church News Room made commentary and clarification on what was said in the program.

And then a huge outcry was heard (no, it was a happy one), when suddenly "THE CHURCH SAYS WE CAN DRINK CAFFEINE!"

No, no, no, no, no. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

That is NOT what they said.

NBC said this:

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

You'll have to watch the whole ten minutes to catch the "caffeine" reference.

Then the Church clarified with this:
 Finally, another small correction: Despite what was reported, the Church revelation spelling out health practices (Doctrine and Covenants 89) does not mention the use of caffeine.  The Church’s health guidelines prohibit alcoholic drinks, smoking or chewing of tobacco, and “hot drinks” — taught by Church leaders to refer specifically to tea and coffee. *
 Did I miss something? I didn't see permission...

Now, I am not saying, "You are all going to burn in eternal fire for drinking caffeine." 

I'm saying that the Church said NOTHING about it being okay. 


Some fool extrapolated and then wrote an article on it. 

*shakes head and sighs*

I don't drink caffeine. It does nothing to keep me awake, and it does funny things to my heart rhythm. I just don't like it. I DO eat a lot of chocolate. LOTS of chocolate. 

Now, is that okay? Well, here's how I look at it....

I read an article in the Ensign (don't ask which month, or writer, because, frankly, I don't keep that kind of info in my head), and it said that we should stay away from any substance (not some substances, or one's we don't like) ANY substance that is habit-forming. That gave me pause (and you can read a nice Friend article on that). 

*Updated: I found the illusive article here.

Do I occasionally NEED chocolate? I seem to think so.

Do I NEED ice cream, or cake, or cookies, or a whole pan of Rice Krispie Treats? My body says, "YES YOU DO! Now, go roll that cube of butter in some cinnamon sugar and eat it with a fork...."

Sugar is addictive. Should I stay away from it? Yes. Do I? No. Am I going to burn in eternal sugar-addict fire for not stopping myself? Maybe, but I doubt it. God says things to make us better and happier. Will sugar and chocolate keep me out of heaven? I hope not, but I will bet you anything that if I am willing to choose my own path over God's, chances are I'm going to be kicking myself when I stand before Him after I die. 

As for the caffeine thing, I don't care if you are so addicted to caffeine you have it on IV. That is your choice. I take exception when people start getting hysterical and getting their facts messed up and declaring, "CAFFEINE IS ALLOWED! THE CHURCH IS TRUE!" 

I will say one thing...

YEARS ago, President Hinckley stated TWO TIMES that we, as a church, don't drink caffeine. He said it to Larry King (it's about 3/4ths down) and he said it to Mike Wallace. 

Now, I know people quibble with the whole, "Is he speaking as a man, or as a prophet?" I frankly don't care. President Hinckley said it, and that's good enough for me.

As for the rest of you, what you do is between you and God. Just, please, make sure you know what the church has said first. Make sure you aren't spreading half-truths.

That's all I'm asking.

Now, I'm going to go sit somewhere with a piece of chocolate and wait for the soggy blanket to descend upon me....


Tara said...

"As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it" ~Mahatma Gandhi
Although he may not have been referring specifically to chocolate, I'm gonna run with that.

Anonymous said...

A bar of Hershey's Special Dark has as much caffeine content as a 12-oz coke. Chances are you're just as addicted to caffeine as any of the rejoicers.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I know there is caffeine in it! That was my point! :D But, it's mostly sugar I am addicted to. Because I can only eat so much chocolate. I can eat a LOT of peanut butter cookies, though, before I reach any sort of max.

Katscratchme said...

You make me want Peanut Butter cookies... :)

Trillium said...

Sugar is as addictive as cocaine.

Just sayin' ...

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