Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Almost There...




Sometimes, when you are in a storm for so long, you forget that sunshine is normal.

I finally got a break yesterday.

I did a systems check.

"Hmmm...I don't feel so sick..."

I kept scanning.

"Hmmm...I don't feel so depressed..."

COULD IT BE???

The storm is breaking!

And the first thought I had?

"That wasn't so bad..."

And then I smacked myself in the face and yelled, "YES IT WAS! GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF, WOMAN!"

I've had several low points, but I think my lowest was last Saturday, when Jeremy sat next to me on the bed as I tried to not feel like dying.

He got really close to my face and looked deeply into my eyes.

"I can see into your SOUL!" He said dramatically.

"Yeah?" I responded skeptically. "And what do you see?"

"I see a little girl in there who is saying, 'I hate babies,'" he laughed jovially.

The humor and reality of it caused me to screw my eyes shut and exclaim, "IT'S TRUE!"

I don't really, but at the time it fit my mood.

Can only go up from rock bottom, right?

1 comment:

FINDING PEACE IN 2012 said...

I know what you mean. I'm always like "hmm, that wasn't so bad." Then I start to remember everything and I remind myself "YES it was! Don't get pregnant again!" I remember when Ryder was about a year thinking to myself he was getting so big and by the time I carried a baby for 10 months he'd be sooo old! Yeah, I was crazy! Now as I look at Lizah getting older and people (people being my grandma) say, "oh it's time to have another one!" and I quickly snap myself back to reality and remind myself what being pregnant is really like! No thank you. Not yet! The first and second trimesters I feel like dying. The first month of the last trimester I feel better, just to feel like I'm dying again the last two months. Then I get to experience labor where again, I almost die, quite literally! Whew, I'm tired just thinking about it. I don't feel my normal self and energy return until about 12 months later. Needless to say, although I LOVE babies, I don't like how I feel. I sorta dream of spacing the next one 4 years apart! Just so I can survive! ;) I'm glad the sun is starting to peak from behind the clouds! It's always nice to feel a little lively! You can do this!!! You are so strong!!!

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