Titanium

Everyone would like to think of themselves as strong.

To stand up tall and not blink when the shrapnel of life inevitably strikes. 

For a long time, I always thought that arriving at that point would be that I had achieved something great, that I would be unbreakable, and so that is what I strove for. 

With this illusive and indomitable strength of spirit and will, no force could break, sway or damage me. 

 And I thought, if I can harness this power I would be unstoppable.

People think of titanium as such a thing: Strong, unbreakable, resilient.  And that's what I wanted to be. 

The funny thing about titanium, I found out, is that by itself, it really isn't that strong. It is very brittle when cold, and can break easily at room temperature. It can withstand high heat, but will catch on fire at some point, and that is probably why people like to use it for fireworks. 

So, this seemingly indestructible metal is, quite frankly, not that strong.  

It's only becomes so when it combined with other metals. That is when titanium goes from being a semi-temperamental substance to something great.

When combined with something like steel, it becomes an alloy, and its weak qualities are dissolved and it's strengths are combined with the steel and then you have something worth talking about. When combined in such a way, the easily manipulated titanium has become something unbreakable, and it becomes invaluable.

Most of the time, I am like a roaming ball of raw titanium: easily broken, manipulated. And, I don't know about you other little balls of titanium, but that's a sad and frustrating place to be, especially since being strong is so much more appealing.

So, how does one become the invaluable alloy?

I sincerely believe that the only way that happens is when we allow Heavenly Father to melt us down and add his steel to our weak metal. 

It's a humbling process. Especially when the little ball of titanium is wanting to be strong all on its own. 

You find out quickly that being just titanium is nothing. 

"And it came to pass that Moses looked, and beheld the world upon which he was created; and Moses beheld the world and the ends thereof, and all the children of men which are, and which were created; of the same he greatly marveled and wondered. 
"And the presence of God withdrew from Moses, that his glory was not upon Moses; and Moses was left unto himself. And as he was left unto himself, he fell unto the earth. 
"And it came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural strength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never had supposed."

Moses' ball of titanium had just been crumbled a little after coming face to face with the Lord, but while in His presence, he was strong, and could withstand being in the presence of a divine being. He became an alloy.

One of the things I strive for is to be strong. I want to be able to stand tall and just let all the criticism, hate, and contempt of the world bounce off and keep moving forward, and I have discovered, much to own dismay, that that is never going to happen,  until God has taken me and improved upon my chemistry. I have been made well aware of just how weak I really am.

And as soon as that realization hit me, I wanted it to happen right now, and then I could move on with all my titanium alloy-ness.

"Improve me, Lord!" I exclaim with scared enthusiasm.

That isn't how the Lord works, though.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long, slow, and inevitably painful process, at the end of which I will probably not be the same.

In fact, I'm counting on it.

This may be dumb, but this song has really inspired me. Get ready for more dumbness on my part. That's just who I am, so don't expect anything different.