Friday, July 20, 2012

Misfit Toy

...you know, like the ones from the old claymation Christmas movie? 

Missy would always laugh about the toy with the square wheels.

For some reason, I always felt kind of bad for those little toys. I mean, it wasn't their fault that they were made that way. I mean, they didn't choose to be that way.

I mean, if Santa made them, then he did it on purpose, right? There must have been a purpose for those square wheels.

And did Santa put them on the Island of Misfit Toys? (I honestly don't know, I've never actually seen the movie...All I know is that there are misfit toys, some with square wheels, and I think it's that movie that the little elf wants to be a dentist, and he and Rudolph decide they want to be "in-de-pen-dent" together. But I don't know. I could be mashing all those little clay characters together into one giant ball. I should ask Josh. He usually has those things straight in his little man mind.)

I think, since these toys seem to be sentient, that it was the "normal" toys that put them there. Because they are mean.

I was mulling over this misfit toy conundrum last night as I lay in bed not being able to go to sleep. This was because I was having mega anxiety about my bridesmaid's dress, and because I had deleted a whole bunch of people off my facebook.

I was having this running conversation with myself, with the misfit toy song acting as the soundtrack:

"I don't know what to do about that dress...It's not fitting right, and by golly, I paid $125 for that stupid thing,....I bet I could fix it. I'm okay with a sewing machine...but...I don't know, I'd probably ruin it, and I did pay $125 for it...maybe I'll call the dressmaker...but what if she won't fix it for me, or is mean to me, or, or...or...it's all because I deleted those people off of facebook...I'm a bad person. That's why the dark forces of the universe combined against me and produced this mess of a dress...But, it's not like those people would notice anyway...I mean, how many of them were really friends, and not "friends" anyway? I mean some of them didn't even tell me they got married, for heaven's sake. I just kept holding onto them for memory's sake...and it's not like they like me anyway..."*ka-thunk* *ka-thunk* *ka-thunk* went my square wheels...

Maybe the misfit toys put themselves on the island.

That's me, in all my square-wheeled glory.

There is this saying I heard, that I LOVE, but find extremely hard to put into practice: Go out looking for a friend, and you won't find any. Go out and be a friend, and you will find many (or something like that). So simple, yet so, so hard for somebody who is self-conscious.

Yes, I'm sure I have a whole bunch of problems that could easily be solved if I just tried harder and stopped thinking about myself, blah blah blah, but when you are in that moment, standing on the beach of the Island of Misfit Toys, it's sort of debilitating.

Because you wonder if you were marooned there by "normal" toys, or if you actually swam there.

So, if you are reading this, and I deleted you from my facebook, know that it wasn't because I don't like you, or because I don't care, but because I'm super duper self-conscious and figured it wouldn't matter to you anyway.

That's how it started the first time I deleted people. I was mortified by something that happened (which was just a silly thing, but I felt like everyone was staring at me as I went by with my square wheels), and my first thought was, "To make this go away, I must delete this and this, and these people...."

Anyway. Yeah.

Am I the only one that feels like a misfit toy? 

3 comments:

FINDING PEACE IN 2012 said...

Oh, I've always felt like a misfit toy. And let's face it, I have all those years of public education to prove it. I have to be accountable, and I realize that it was sometimes my serious and uptight nature that caused it. There were times I put myself on that island, but I really just wanted to get away from people! But then there were times, especially high school where I really tried to be a good friend and to have friends. A group of church-going girls were constantly trying to shove me back on that island. I was friends with the boys they liked. I had to pay you see. My only regret is that I didn't stand up for myself. I tried to let it not effect me but let's face it, it did. I lost several friendships because people chose to listen to their rumors and gossip. Adult life sure is better. I hate even thinking about that part if my life. But I still have trouble finding friends and trusting them or feeling like they really like me. I often feel lonely and like people don't really see me. So in short, you're not alone. Let's be on the misfit island together and throw a party, and make all the other toys jealous! Bwahaha!

Shydandelion said...

I thought we were already doing that? ;)

I'm really glad we were friends in high school, Kristen. You made a lot of thing bearable! You seriously had some of the best ideas of stuff to do...and I loved those shorts you made! I remember you saying you wore them just to bug your mom. Ha ha ha!

Katscratchme said...

The irony of the misfit toys is that none of us are perfect. We all have flaws and make mistakes. We're all on the island, just some of us are in denial. ;)

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