Monday, March 19, 2012

Dara+Murphy's Law = Durphy's Law





Durphy's Law: Anything that could go wrong for Jeremy will go wrong when Dara leaves the house for what was supposed to be a 10 minute, but turned into a four hour, cookie run.

I love cookies.

A lot.

But there is a problem. If I keep all the cookies, I will turn into the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Dara, and I don't know about you, but that gives me the jibblies.

So, when I make cookies, I think in my mind which of my friends I can make fat share them with to bring joy into their lives.

Yesterday was such a day.

I had a new recipe I needed to try, and so I made up a whole bunch of cookies. I quickly packaged them up, and turned to Jeremy.

"Hey, I'm just going to go drop these off," I said, pulling my purse over my shoulder.

He smiled calmly.

"You going to be back to help me put the kids in bed?" He asked.

I looked at him, covered in wiggly children, and looked at him sympathetically.

"Of course!" I assured him, and quickly ran up the stairs to the car.

I must have driven into some sort of vortex because I came home four hours later (no, I don't have a problem shutting up when I have an audience that has been lulled into a coma-like, cookie-induced state...).

I quickly showered and jumped into bed. Jeremy made some sort of grunting noise, and I turned towards him in the dark.

"I'm sorry!" I whispered loudly in an excited voice, betraying the fact that I wasn't really sorry, but I was trying to be because I should be.

"It's okay..." he replied.

"How did things go?"

"Well, let's see..." he began, pushing himself up on his elbow. "Joshua dropped Eden..."

"WHAT??"

"Well," he amended. "He put her on a chair and she fell off and face planted on the kitchen floor. She's gonna have a big bruise on the side of her face tomorrow."

"Yeah?" I replied, worried about what was coming next.

Jeremy continued.

"Lily started screaming after I put her in bed, and Eva was getting "frusterated," as she put it, so I let Eva and Josh sit on our bed while we watched one of those LDS videos on the Atonement...it was super graphic...you know, when one of the apostles cuts off the soldier's ear and there was blood everywhere..." He then made a juicy noise, and laughed a little hysterically.

"And?"

"Well, then Lily kept screaming and so I went in there, and found her sitting up in bed with blood all over her face."

"What??" I exclaimed. The Guilt I didn't feel at first had started to creep in...

"Since her finger was covered in blood, too, it seems she was digging for gold...."

"Eee..."

"So, I cleaned her up, and everything was fine, but Eva then started screaming. Apparently, Josh kept going into their room, making Eva scream, and so I had to lock him in his room to make him stop..."

"Nice. And what about Eden?" I asked tentatively, genuinely feeling bad at this point.

"What about Eden?"

"I'm assuming she was just a perfect angel who went right to sleep?"

"Yup."

Well, that's a mercy.

"The kids are going to be super cranky tomorrow," Jeremy finally said before turning onto his side.

As I rolled over, my brain caught onto the slight note of smugness in Jeremy's voice as he said those final words.

Pooh.

4 comments:

Katscratchme said...

Haha!!

Rebecca said...

eventually they won't even notice you're gone... I experience that now and am disappointed when I return from my errands...

wildiati: what happens when you leave the house

rverva: what happens when you leave the house and no one notices

"DRAW NEARER TO HEAVEN IN 2011" said...

Haha I'm glad it's not just me! Every time I leave the house it's the same. And why can I put the kids to bed solo but he can't?!

Jeremy said...

Dara explained in her pictures exactly how it happened the moment she walked out the door. the only thing she missed was when Eden was dropped by Joshua, i was in the middle of changing Lily's diaper, and had poop up to my elbows with everybody screaming at me.
Everything else is spot on.

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