Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Rivalry





























When I was pregnant with Eva, my main concern was that Joshua would have a total meltdown and become a rotten toddler when she was born.




I was pleasantly surprised that he loved the little bologna loaf I gave birth to.



And it stayed that way.



Until she could move.




As soon as Joshua realized that Eva's new mobility meant that she could access his property, he took exception to his little sister, and I heard no end of it.




I STILL have heard no end of it.




It concerns me.




I have the vision in my head where my children are best friends with each other, and live in perfect harmony and love.




Yeah.




I don't know why I thought that would happen.




I have hereditarial-familial-contentionitis-rivalisis.




I remember all the kicking/hair-pulling/biting/scratching/name-calling shouting-matches that went on as a kid.




And when Mom and Dad finally decided to stop doing that, the damage had already been done.




Just kidding!




No, Mom and Dad rarely contended with each other (and we only knew about it after, since they kept it private), and were in general respectful and loving to each other, which is probably why the found their children's behavior so shocking and abominable (which, for the record, I learned from my siblings. Just sayin'...).




And why is it children fight?




It's the same reason adults fight. Adults are just more eloquent.




It's lack of self-control.




No, really, it is.




Anger is like a flowing river of death, oh I mean, emotion, and if you don't learn to dam it up (hee hee...), then you are not in control, and someone else is.




I read in a book, The Soft-Spoken Parent, that anger feels deceptively righteous. "They did this to ME! I, therefore, have a RIGHT to have INDIGNATION, and will exert this power liberally on all who cross my path today. Thank you very much."




For children, this is natural, since they haven't come to earth with built in self-control (or manners, for that matter).




And where do they learn to have self-control?


From their parents.




So, your kid is the way he is because of YOU.




Makes me kinda sad.




My kids are contentious because I have shown them the example.




"WHATDOYOUTHINKYOUAREDOING????"

"STOPTHATRIGHTNOWORYOUWILLGOINTIMEOUT!"




"DOYOUNEEDASPANK???"




Yeah.




Talk about no self-control.




I always admire little people who are mild and kind.




I think of what magical parents they must have.




*sigh*




BUT, there is always the opportunity to change before you die, and so I'm trying to make the most of the time I have left.




I may not survive long with the containment of my passionate emotions.




It's probably going to make my brain explode.




Jeremy will have my tombstone engraved thus:




"Here lies the dust of one Dara Card


Who's brain exploded from trying hard."

4 comments:

Bethany said...

Those sketches were all to familiar.

My new favorite approach is from Love and Logic with a mix of Linda and Richard Eyre. We have a bottom stair that is the, "repentance bench"' where they have to sit next to each other and apologize/work it out until they are friends again. When they come to me with "He did", "She did" stuff I say, "Do you need to work it out on the bench?" 9 times out of 10 they quickly answer "no" and they're off to playing again. Fabulous, most of the time. Today has not been a winning day for any of us so it has been rough. For those rough days, I am sorry.

Tina said...

Ya, I think all of us parents have kids like that! Seriously!! Just the other day Cloey was trying to tie Jacob's shoes for him and I guess he was moving too much and she yanked him hard and yelled, "Jacob, stop moving..." in just the right "mommy voice" too and Tyler looks at me and said, "Hmmm.. I wonder where she got that from?" Guilty. We are all trying so hard and there are times my brain is going to explode too. I'm right there with ya!!

ceej said...

Oh boy! I don't know how you keep up with them kiddos, I only hope I can try to be a good example...my boyfriend however...he shows he loves me by trying to make my eyebrows furrow together permanently and I have a bad feeling our kid is gonna be just like him.

Rebecca said...

"Time and patience." My favorite quote from Zahn. Eventually, we all figure it out.

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