Thursday, May 12, 2011

Epic Fail




































I make people.




Well, I've made four people.




And one of those people is small.




I was talking to our pediatrician yesterday, and he looked at me and said, "A strong wind will blow Lily away!"




He then instructed me to give her unlimited access to our peanut butter jar and give her butter cubes on a stick to fatten her up (I don't think I could do either of these things in good conscience...I mean, think of her little arteries...).




So, I was already feeling like I was a bad parent when Lily, whom I had put on the table (which is about 4 feet high), decided she didn't want to be there anymore and fell off while I had my back turned (Yes, I know. It's the ultimate No-No. My excuse to myself was that I was holding Eden, but then shame rained upon me as the imaginary peanut gallery exclaimed, "Well, maybe you shouldn't have had so many kids if you can't stop them from killing themselves!"). She landed with a thud on her bottom. She looked at me with winded surprise and the doctor exclaimed, "Was she up THERE??"




I was half expecting him to write something down on his charts about how I abuse my children before he left the room, but all he did was make some remark about how her bottom was padded, and sauntered out...to write down that I abuse my children in his Ultimate Bad Parent File he keeps in his office.




We left, went to the store (not such a bright idea with 6 hungry people, two of which had just gotten shots, two of which woke up at 5am, one of which woke up about 30 times that night and got 18 minutes of sleep, and one of which was a Princess and "didn't have to," whatever THAT'S supposed to mean...), and everyone got black marks for pouting and whining.




At some point I told Jeremy if he couldn't keep his crabby at work, then he could just stay there.




Yeah...I know...If I can't keep MY crabby in the closet I should just shut up.




Dinner was a fiasco (needed more salt, and less chicken broth), and after the kids were put in bed, I sat at this computer desk and shoveled gummy bears and Costco's "Chocolate Decadences" into my over-eager mouth, the whole time screaming at myself in my head, "I DON'T EVEN LIKE THESE! GAAAHHHHH!!!!" but that didn't seem to stop the mania that was happening, and I tried to lose myself in the virtual world of animated fish caviar and bouncing shellfish, which was also keeping my mind off the fact that when I tried to squeeze myself into my pants that morning I had an outrageous muffin top spilling over the top of my pants that was more like an entire cake.




Laundry wasn't done, and the cat had decided what was on the floor next to the washing machine was a gift from her subjects, funky smells were coming from the bathrooms, the living room was a little too "lived in"...




On top of feeling like I had lost all control, I was feeling pretty crumby because for some reason, I still haven't been added to Mormon Mommy Blogs, and I was beginning to wonder if they had checked out my blog and deemed it "Inappropriate" and I was racking my brain trying to figure out which blogs I had written would come across as "Inappropriate" and it occurred to me that I might be so deluded that it could be ALL of them.




Yesterday was an Epic Fail.




Epic.




Fail.




I am hoping that, someday, when I get more sleep at night, I can pull my life back together.




Because, it's a good life. It's just upside down on the bottom of the oven right now.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

IMHO - not being added to "Mormon Mommy Blogs" is an epic win. And I mean epic. The very name makes me gag...

Doodle On Yoo said...

Hang in there sweetie! We ALL have bad days. (Reminder: My 18 m old had a severe second degree burn 3 weeks ago.....)Sometime kids get bumped,or they are "too small", we get crabby, we don't cook a four course meal, we don't fit into our old jeans, everyone picks on everyone, our house is messy, the laundry has turned into a mountain.......BUT:

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

If Mormon Mommy Bloggers turns you down, there is something wrong with them. You are a SHINING example of what life is really like and find the humor in it and share it with the rest of us. I laugh every time I read your blog, it brightens my day and reminds me that I'm not alone in the daily battles we face. If all you can say at the end of the day is that you played with your children, kissed your husband, and managed to feed them all, you've done awesome.

Rebecca said...

that makes me sad. You know it gets better. You just had a baby. It takes time to get back in the swing of things.

Trillium said...

Super Woman WILL return. I promise. :)

Tiffany said...

Oh man, you are so not alone! I have days like this all the time! Hang in there! You're a good Mommy! :)

Tabby said...

This entire post is pretty much how I define motherhood. One trauma quickly followed by another. But soon they grow up and leave home and you have nothing to do except enjoy a clean, quiet house. Then they move back in.
Enjoy the journey. No matter how bumpy it is :-)

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