If It's Hungry, Feed It

We all stared into oblivion. Victor was the first to break the silence.

"You want some eggs or somthin'?"

"Uh, okay."

This was not the first time he had asked this type of question.

We all wandered into the kitchen and Victor pulled out a frying pan that was so humongous that it could cook an entire dinosaur egg. And I mean like a BIG dinosaur egg...

He gingerly pulled out a box of eggs from the fridge and asked me, "How many do you want?"

"One," I replied.

He gave me the look, but didn't say anything. He plopped the egg into the pan, let it sit for .o2 seconds, flipped it over, let it think about it (because I think it was still alive) and then plopped it on my plate. I think Dad and Victor must be on the same wave-length....over easy...jibblies...

He then turned to Jeremy.

"You want an egg?"

"Sure!"

Victor then pulled out a ginormous egg and cracked it over the pan. What came out was the size of my fist. And that was just the yolk.

*Flip* *Flip*

"There ya go!"

Giant egg over easy...jibblies...

I think Becky and Victor have made it their life's work to feed people (and give them drugs...any ailment we had, Victor would exclaim, "I have something for that!"). Victor will provide the meat and potatoes, Becky will provide the dessert.

"I ordered 4 boxes of brownies," Becky squealed. "Because I knew you were coming!"

I must have looked emaciated when I showed up because every couple of hours Victor was asking me, "You want a sandwich? When do you want chile verde? Want to eat the rest of your fajitas?" And on the other end, Becky was pushing bags of candy at me. I don't know what those maple things were, but holy cow...I gotta find me some of those!

And the guacamole...oooo....Becky and Victor came home with guacamole. They pushed me towards it, handed me a bag of chips and looked at me expectantly. I took a chip, dipped it, put it in my mouth....

"YuMmY...AARRGGGG!!! THAT'S FREAKING HOT!!! Maybe the next bite won't be so bad...YuMmY...ARRGGG!!! ThAT's FrEakINg HOT!" They then doctored it up so that it only mildly scorched on the way down...ahh...it was so goooood...the only downside was Lily screaming bloody murder a day later on our way home.

Wanna know something? Their evil plot worked. I gained NINE pounds while I was there. In a WEEK I GAINED NINE POUNDS. But they were a happy nine pounds, so I shouldn't feel too bad, right??

As Jeremy struggled to squeeze me out the door and roll me out of the house, Becky and Victor loaded up our car with eggs, tangerines, some weird little round pear-like fruit (tasty! No, really, they really are tasty.), and flowers (which, I found out, are edible).

"Don't wait another year and a half to come back!" Becky said, stuffing candy into my pockets during a goodbye hug, while Victor strapped the lower half of their pig, Summer, onto the top of our car.

"Summer sausage, ha ha ha!" They laughed.

Becky and Victor have a plaque on their wall that says something like, "Rules of the house." I believe the first one is, "If it's hungry, feed it." The second one is, "If it's not, feed it anyway."