Friday, June 25, 2010

Hug a Manatee

I love animals.

I think they are great.

I really, really do.


I have never been of the camp that states (roughly) that, "We should let the animals have their planet back!"

Sorry, people. The planet was made for and given to man. The animals were for decoration (Earth's accessories, you might say). And food. But I don't think I could in all good conscience eat a tiger. Anyway...

We went to see "Oceans" today. *Cough*

Okay, I am all for watching nature flicks. I think that appreciating nature for all its magnificence and beauty is what God intended. But I DON'T want to hear some tree-hugging, kelp-drying, manatee-licking, rubber-shoe-wearing, dreadlock-ridden flower child telling us how much we have screwed up Mother Earth. And don't get me started on "global warming." Have you looked outside?? Have you noticed that we have BARELY come out of winter?? There are still 6 freaking feet of snow on Timpanogos! SERIOUSLY!


The kids were less than impressed. Well, I take that back. Joshua LOVED it. Of course, I think he was just excited to eat popcorn and watch a movie, ANY movie. It took him until almost the end of the movie to realize that everyone on his row was gone (Jeremy and Ben were in the back with the little ones, and Emily and I were behind with two wiggly toddlers who were either screaming (think Eva) or giggling that the jellyfish looked like poo (Audrey). Lily just stared at Henry with absolute, pure, infant love. Henry just tried to eat her feet.

About 20 minutes into "Oceans," I was done, despite Pierce Brosnin's James Bondian narrations. It sounded like he was making it up on the fly. Like he was watching the movie and making commentary as he went. "And the jellyfish, ah, look...oop, there it goes, bye bye... and look! some sort of sea slug...what's it called again? Eh? I can't see the cue card from here, could you stand a little closer? No, ah, yes that's perfect..Oh, wait, now there is something else on the's greyish-white..lots of teeth. A great white shark, you say? No kidding! I thought they were bigger than that...bit small, that shark. Well, yes I suppose it is on a TV screen, so...I had a shark once. No, really I did! I was nine. My mum bought me the egg and a habitat thingy. We put the heat lamp out and then the egg hatched. I got to watch it eat through its shell and everything, and when it crawled out it had arms and legs! We fed it know, the bugs with wings and a iguana, you say? Are you quite sure? Well, close enough. They're both amphibians."

I hate movies with an agenda. "Happy Feet" was ruined for me when they brought in the real story.

I don't like being forced on guilt trips. Dude, just 'cause that leopard seal is wearing a milk carton on his head doesn't make it my fault. Did I dump 100 million tons of garbage into the sea? Huh?? HUH??? DID I??? NOoOoOOOOoo. I contented myself with piddling in it when I was 6. So there!

Furthermore, how am I supposed to feel bad about the state of things when the producers and directors insisted on showing baby sea turtles being eaten by frigate birds?? And I am supposed to feel bad because I eat tuna fish?? Come on! Baby turtles!

Don't get me wrong. I think we are supposed to take good care of the earth, and some of our efforts are sadly lacking, but please, please, PLEASE don't feed me the condescending garbage that incessantly spews forth from the media. Bleh...

Anyway....on a side note, two good movies to watch... "Alice in Wonderland" and "When in Rome." I went into both expecting nothing, and was pleasantly surprised!

Rant's over now. Whew!


Tara said...

"tree-hugging, kelp-drying, manatee-licking, rubber-shoe-wearing, dreadlock-ridden flower child" that an insult? Or were you just describing me? ;)

Enjoying Life . . . One day at a time! said...

Thanks for giving me my laugh of the day! I can go to bed happy! I totally agree with you - on all counts. Your narration was so funny. How do you do it? I think you are so funny, and you always post the funniest comments on my blog. I still laugh about my boy the tourist! Hope you have a great day!

Tina said...

Thanks for the review! We were thinking about letting Cloey see it since she saw "Earth" but now... probably not!!
I'm glad you liked Alice in Wonderland. I've been a bit skeptical because Tim Burton is just so weird sometimes... not for me. But, maybe I'll give it a try.

Anonymous said...

No, Tara...I didn't realize you licked sea animals, but even if you do, you actually have a brain and that comment was in no way directed to you. :D Besides, you are too practical to be a flower child!

I am glad I make you laugh, Kristin! I love to entertain, and aim to please. :P

Tina, I was surprised at how un-weird "Alice in Wonderland" was. I am a huge Tim Burton fan and found it very tame. But I suppose I could be desensitized...?

Bethany said...


Trillium said...

Audrey had it right about the narration too, even if she didn't know it. Ha Ha

Tara said...

I don't lick ALL sea animals - just manitees :)

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