Underdone

Some things are great underdone, like brownies, and cookies, and other foods that end in ies and begin with sugar.

And some things should be put back in whatever receptacle they came in and be "cooked" a little longer. Like eggs over-easy, or meatloaf. Those suckers need some time to think about their raw state and become what they should be: Eggs over-hard and, uh, cooked meatloaf. And people too.

Like me.

I puddled next to the bed this morning like an underdone egg and have slimed my way through the house, spreading my sticky, sickly yellow bad attitude on everything I can touch.

Why?

Because I am not a happy dieter.

I came upon this realization not 10 minutes ago (give or take a few hours) and it's made me hungry and all the more crabby.

"Do you want to lose those extra 8 lbs?" I timidly asked myself.

"OF COURSE I DO!" I yelled in reply. "DON'T ASK STUPID QUESTIONS!" and I smacked myself upside the head for being impudent.

Sigh...I had 5 weeks to lose 10 lbs. I took 6 weeks to lose 2 lbs repeatedly.

And I wasn't very nice to myself. I took a "break" over conference weekend and let myself eat whatever I wanted. I was filled with joy and love for all mankind (of course that could also have been residual from conference). Then Monday came and I had to get back on track. My shell cracked, my bile oozed...

I keep telling myself that if I can just keep on track for the next four weeks or so, I should be able to lose at least 1.75 lbs if I copy what I did for the last 6 weeks. That would mean I would lose all the excess weight by sometime in the year 2092.

I need a brownie.