Friday, April 30, 2010

Losing it

I don't think I will ever go camping in the woods again. I have this mortal fear (or I should say, immortal fear, since it will never, ever die) that my children will be ripped out of our flimsy tent and dragged off into the woods by some honey-drunk bear.
No camping.

Despite my smotherly-motherly feelings, I just lost it today. I usually don't. I can usually maintain my cool until bed time and then choke down feelings of wanting to eat my offspring by loading myself up with ice cream. Works every time. Anyway...

I really didn't think children developed attitude until the teen years, but dude. Joshua is totally 13 right now. And I want to dismantle him. And Eva walks daintily in his footsteps, throwing a bit of sacrine into the vinegar. *Snarl* Lily is just as sweet as can be, and I will repeat that to myself because it makes me feel better (Lily...sweet as can be...can...sweet...be....)

I tried to pull it back together this evening. It went something like this:

"Okay, time to read scriptures! EVA! SIT DOWN! Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery... DO YOU WANT A SPANK????"

I then wrestled Eva to the ground an covered her screaming mouth with my hand and continued reading. It seemed a little...ironic?

We then wrapped things up (man, when you are in a bad mood, those paneled cartoon scriptures with the two sentences seem like novels), and tried to end on a good note (literally).

"JESUS SUNBEAM!" Eva requested as loudly as she could.

"Okay, fine.. Jesus wants me for a sunbea...you lay down or I am not singing..."

"DOWN THE HILL!" She exclaimed after I finished.

"Give said the little stream, give oh give, give oh give..."

"I WANT WATER."

Sigh...

"No, you've had enou..."

"I WANT WAAAATTTEEEEERRR!!!"

"No, you can have some tomor.."

"PLEEEEAAASSSSEEEEE!" (Don't be fooled. The "please" was said more like a "NOW!")

"Eva, you..."

"WATER!"

"YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY WATER, GOODNIGHT!"

*SLAM!*

Oh boy.

I hate it when I lose control.

I hate it when I am a bad mom.

I can usually salvage a day by making the nighttime ritual pleasant, but today, I felt my grip become slippery and I watched helplessly as the wild horses dragged away the little control I had.

But I guess there is always tomorrow...assuming my apartment doesn't blow up tonight.

5 comments:

Bethany said...

I can't even begin to explain how well I relate to this. Fully and completely. Big hugs to you!

Katscratchme said...

That was us last night... and possibly the night before. Must be something in the water.
Tonight was actually fairly good. Thank heaven for that. I thought I was slowly creating little attitude-slinging machines instead of angelic children.

Tina said...

Wow! I felt like I was reading one of my own journals just now. I have those moments too and I always regret it afterwards. Just know that you aren't the only one and we are all trying our hardest as moms to better ourselves and control our tempers.
I hope this next week goes much more smoothly.

Rebecca said...

sorry you were having a bad day. It was quite entertaining for me and Victor.

As I am reading it to him, our youngest is throwing a 10 year old tantrum - those are nice :)

eventually your children's attitudes and behaviors won't phase you - then you will feel guilty for that :)

Melanie Ann Millett said...

Um okay we need to talk. I have those out of control moments like 3-5 times I day. I swear to you I am not exaggerating. My 2 year old rarely deserves, and I am a horrible person.

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