Monday, December 14, 2009

Phat



I lamented to one of my friends one day that I was fat (this was back when I weighed 135 pounds...yeah...I KNOW!...If only...). He responded, much to my distaste, that if I meant "phat" I was correct...meaning, Pretty Hot And Tempting.


Now, if I lamented to this friend, he would probably agree that I am fat. He wasn't the type to flatter when there was no need or reason.


So, I have been trying to be really good about what I am eating, and much to my delight and joy, I was losing pounds like crazy. It was like I breathed and the fat boiled out of my nose. It was so wonderful...


And then, all of the sudden, it stopped. WHAM!


And I cried...
Yes, I did...


I stepped gingerly onto the scale, balked, got off, stepped on it again, feeling the heat rising in my face, stepped off, and on, and off, and on, offonoffonoffon, and when I then gained a pound for no reason, I put the scale back and started weeping tears of self pity.


That was yesterday.


TODAY, I decided, hey! It's okay! I can keep pressing forward!


I carefully plotted my eating course...


And..


After dinner was over..


I realized I had gone over my caloric intake for the day.


Crap.


It was then that I decided that if I was going to go over, I should go out with a bang, so I ate about 4 cookies. And since that didn't seem like nearly enough, I ate some chips and guacamole, which, unfortunately for me were the healthy kind, so I grabbed the candy bar that our home teachers gave us...it made me sick.

Yet, my brain kept telling me that if I was going to blow the whole thing today and get back on track tomorrow, I really ought to eat some more. The only problem was, I wasn't hungry. And chocolate sounded gross.


But, I persevered and ate MORE chocolate and a year old candy cane (by the way, don't try eating a hot cinnamon candy cane really fast. You will regret it.).


I don't think I have eaten enough. I looked on the candy bar label, and in order for me to spike my system (which, if I did and got back on track, would make me burn more calories), I would have to eat the whole thing. And it's a big candy bar...it's one of those GIANT candy bars. I just don't think I have the heart or stomach to do it.


I hate being OCD sometimes.

8 comments:

Katscratchme said...

My feelings are... don't deprive yourself things that you know you'll binge on if given half a chance.
Of course, I'm not losing weight all that fast either.

Bethany said...

Hmmmm ... I have a plate of goodies from our neighbor that might help out your cause a bit ...

P.S. I always lean more towards the philosophy,"I'll eat this cookie and then I'll do 100 crunches."

Trillium said...

Eeewww! Just reading your orgy-list made me feel sick to my stomach! Post MORE orgy-lists!!! Reading them might help ME to lose weight too!!

shydandelion said...

It STILL makes me sick to think of my binge...I have come to the point in my life when apples are almost too sweet for me.

Amy said...

At least you put your heart and soul into everything.

Right?

Rebecca said...

Well, I don't have much of an appetite and your "orgy-list" made me a little sick to my stomach.

Victor offers me things that I used to like and he doesn't know that I have stopped liking them.

You'd think that I have lost weight - NO :)

But it is okay. I have pretty eyes and beautiful hair! :)

Les said...

Dara you are beautiful!!! Give yourself a break you have had 3 kids, one of which you just had a month ago. I don't know if you will ever have your 135 pound body again, but thats normal. Just one of the many wonderful things we women give up to have kids. ;)

Tina said...

Oh my goodness, I can SOOOO relate to this post!! If I eat a couple of cookies and I KNOW I shouldn't have I just think, why not eat more since I've already blown it. You made me laugh because you sound like me. Sometimes I'll just eat the whole thing (whatever it is) and say okay, it's gone now so tomorrow is a new day.
Good luck with watching what you are eating, especially at Christmas time. You are wonderful. Someday we will have our 135 lb. bodies back. Maybe after having all the kids we want and then it will happen. I still have hope...

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