Phat

I lamented to one of my friends one day that I was fat (this was back when I weighed 135 pounds...yeah...I KNOW!...If only...). He responded, much to my distaste, that if I meant "phat" I was correct...meaning, Pretty Hot And Tempting.

Now, if I lamented to this friend, he would probably agree that I am fat. He wasn't the type to flatter when there was no need or reason.

So, I have been trying to be really good about what I am eating, and much to my delight and joy, I was losing pounds like crazy. It was like I breathed and the fat boiled out of my nose. It was so wonderful...

And then, all of the sudden, it stopped. WHAM!

And I cried...
Yes, I did...

I stepped gingerly onto the scale, balked, got off, stepped on it again, feeling the heat rising in my face, stepped off, and on, and off, and on, offonoffonoffon, and when I then gained a pound for no reason, I put the scale back and started weeping tears of self pity.

That was yesterday.

TODAY, I decided, hey! It's okay! I can keep pressing forward!

I carefully plotted my eating course...

And..

After dinner was over..

I realized I had gone over my caloric intake for the day.

Crap.

It was then that I decided that if I was going to go over, I should go out with a bang, so I ate about 4 cookies. And since that didn't seem like nearly enough, I ate some chips and guacamole, which, unfortunately for me were the healthy kind, so I grabbed the candy bar that our home teachers gave us...it made me sick.

Yet, my brain kept telling me that if I was going to blow the whole thing today and get back on track tomorrow, I really ought to eat some more. The only problem was, I wasn't hungry. And chocolate sounded gross.

But, I persevered and ate MORE chocolate and a year old candy cane (by the way, don't try eating a hot cinnamon candy cane really fast. You will regret it.).

I don't think I have eaten enough. I looked on the candy bar label, and in order for me to spike my system (which, if I did and got back on track, would make me burn more calories), I would have to eat the whole thing. And it's a big candy bar...it's one of those GIANT candy bars. I just don't think I have the heart or stomach to do it.

I hate being OCD sometimes.