Monday, December 28, 2009

Egg McNothing



There are some things in life I will never understand. Like breakfast burritos. And pickled beets. And Egg McMuffins.


I remember going on road trips, and, in the mornings, because road trips are, by nature, supposed to be fun, Mom and Dad would take us to Micky Dee's and order *urp* Egg McMuffins. Yack.


There is something so wrong with the rubbery egg, rubbery cheese, and dry-on-the-outside-squishy-on-the-inside English muffin. And I don't particularly enjoy the cornmeal on the underside of it all. Reminds me of asphalt...or, at least, really big grains of sand.


I really, REALLY like egg salad sandwiches. I would eat them everyday (and I do). Nothing like 'em in the world...So, you can imagine my disappointment the other day when I discovered that all of our hard boiled eggs were gone. Since I didn't want to wait the 10 or so minutes for a boiled egg, I thought to myself, "Dara, if you take an egg, and fry it, you can still smoosh it up and dump Miracle Whip on it, and it would basically be the same thing..." So I fried the egg, but instead of smooshing it, I decided to smear the bread with the MW, and place the egg on the bread. I was a little leery...


But


Oh


My


Gosh


It was like I died and went to egg heaven. Yum yum yum!


And the egg was all warm...ooooo....


I can now imagine a future road trip where I can actually enjoy some sort of egg concoction. Of course, I would have to bring my own bread and Miracle Whip, but hey, doesn't everybody take those on a road trip anyway?



"Hello, welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

"Yes, I'd like an Egg McNothing."


"...Excuse me?"


"An Egg McNothing. Hold the cheese, hold the bread, I just want the egg."


"...Hang on let me talk to my manager."

"Okay."


Waiting...


"...Ma'am? He says it will be an extra .50 to customize your McMuffin."

"McNothing."

"What?"

"Nevermind...That's fine."

"Anything else?"


"Yes, I would like a Breakfast Burrito, hold the tortilla."


"Um..."


"Is there a problem?"

"...Hang on...My manager says that will be an extra .99 to customize your Breakfast Burrito."


"That's fine."


"Anything else for you today?"


"Nope. No, wait, I would like some orange juice, hold the cup."

"Um.."

"Just kidding! No, that's all."

"That'll be $27.98 at the second window."


"What the...*grrr*... fine..."



I hope I can have this conversation some day...I can dream, right?

6 comments:

Katscratchme said...

How about the McGriddles... hold the pancakes.. just give me the syrup.

Trillium said...

Funny... *Mc-Burp!* LOL

Tina said...

Oh my, I was laughing so hard. You are sure witty!! Can I come with you when you order all of your McNothings? I would LOVE to hear it go down in person.

Amy said...

I love them! Though, now I think about it...I always feel like death warmed over after eating one.

Zaphod said...

Hold the bun, the condiments, the meat, the egg, hold everything. Then add a sesame seed bun, lettuce, tomato, pickle, charbroiled 1/4 pound all meat patty,special sauce, fries, root beer.... a McWhopper... for breakfast.... Hmmm.... my heart just skipped a beat.

Rebecca said...

that was funny. I hate mcdonald's anything... :P

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