Something's not quite right...

I have been trying to be wise with my meal choices (never mind yesterday's donut/hot chocolate dinner...).

Call me crazy, but I like counting calories. It makes me feel like I am in control of some tiny part of my life.

Now, before you barrage me with "YOU ARE PREGNANT!" keep in mind that a pregnant woman is only supposed to consume an additional 300 calories to support her growing baby. And that is the equivalent of a yogurt and an apple. So, I am not eating for two. I am eating for one and something the size of my thigh.

And I am not starving myself. When I am hungry, I eat, but I have been trying to pick good things instead of empty calorie foods. I do get a little crazy sometimes, though (and Jeremy could tell stories about how many times I have made him go on cookie runs...and taco runs...and candy runs...and icecream runs...).

A few days ago, I was sitting with Jeremy on the couch, and I had a brilliant idea!

"Hey, Jeremy!" I said, quivering with excitement. Jeremy sleepily looked at me.

"I have a great idea!"

He didn't look as excited as I'd hoped. I continued.

"We should go to Costco and get those See's Candies gift certificates and fill up two one-pound boxes and when I go into labor we can take them to the hospital and eat candy!" You see, a trip to the hospital is like going to a spa for me.

Jeremy looked dubious, and really, really tired (I asked Jeremy not too long ago that if I died, would he marry someone more mellow. He replied that he wouldn't really know what they were like until after they were married, so...I guess he has a point. You really don't know people when you date them. It's only after years and years of hand print-leaving bottom smacking and cups of ice water being poured on you in the shower that you truly know someone.).

It was at that moment I realized that I couldn't bring chocolate to the hospital, because they wouldn't let me eat anything after I was strapped to the bed. Oh well...

Jeremy took it with grace.

Anyway, this morning I was very hungry. Perhaps it was yesterday's dinner menu...I wisely chose some fibrous cereal with banana, and I picked out a ripe pear from our fruit basket (Yes, I display my produce in baskets all over my kitchen. My theory is, if you are going to want to eat a piece of fruit, it should be put to best advantage by looking artistic (I rarely display vegetables. Vegetables should be cut up and put neatly in plastic zip-loc bags in the fridge. Fruits are ornamental; vegetables are functional.). Kind of like if you want to get your man's attention, you should slather on a couple layers of make-up and do your hair. Yes, I am the shiniest piece of fruit in the basket! Or maybe I am just a fruitcake.)

I gobbled down my cereal, and then pulled my plate of pears towards me and picked one up. Oh my...it tasted like someone had dipped it in alcohol. Now, that didn't stop me from eating it. I figured that it could only get better as I went along. It sorta did...It made me think of Leslie, how she got a funny drink on her mission made from whole oranges and the resulting intoxicated conversation she had with her zone leader. Hey, if you are going to be a drunk, be a happy one, I always say...

So, to all my readers, be careful what you eat today! And remember: If your man can't find ya handsome, at least he can find ya handy!