I dreamed a dream...

No, this is not a post about Susan Boyle, although I think she is pretty neat.

I know I have posted about dreams before, but Dad just posted one, and I think it is funny that my parents have produced dreamer children--in every sense of the word. I suppose it makes sense...Like it's a dominant spiritual gene. Anywho, read Dad's blog--AWESOME!

I dreamed a dream--or in other words, I have had a vision...Hahah! Just kidding!
No, I have had two dreams about Joshua in the last few weeks.

The first dream, for some reason, I had to give Joshua up for adoption. I don't know why, and even though I didn't want to, I felt "okay" about it because the adopting mom said it was okay if I visited when I wanted.
I remember pulling up to her house and feeling really excited to see my son. As I knocked on the door I was greeted coldly by Joshua's new mommy.

I smiled and asked if I could see Joshua, and she abruptly informed me that I wasn't welcome to just show up, and in fact, I wasn't welcome to come back at all. Joshua came running up then, and I held him to me as tight as I could. I looked at the woman, and said that I didn't care what it cost me, but that I was taking my son with me when I left. She haughtily told me that the money she got from having Joshua she was going to keep, and shooed me out of the house. I ran with Joshua to our car, so happy to have him back, and away from that horrible person.

The second dream, something bad happened to Joshua, and he died. People kept coming and going, and talking to me, but I didn't hear them because I couldn't stop crying. I was so empty inside because he was gone and how much life he had missed, and how much time I had lost by not showing him all that I could in his short little life.

I naturally woke up paranoid.

I think anyone would.

With my first dream, I wondered if that is how Heavenly Father feels some times. He sends out his children to "adoptive" parents, and when he comes to visit, he is turned away, and told he isn't welcome. By having children, we are inviting Heavenly Father to be part of our lives. It seems sort of a slap in the face to not make our homes a sanctuary for his little ones where they feel safe and he can always drop by for a visit.

I don't know about my second dream. I only know it made me love my little boy more. That in and of itself has value.

I am glad I dream.