Tuesday, December 9, 2008

DIE! et...

There I was...surrounded by those horrible, yet delightful treats...Chips, pizza, ice cream, dip, soda...Munching away, completely enamoured and disgusted at the same time...I couldn't help myself. That is when it happened. My chips started talking to me. As I raised the dip covered chip, it clearly stated, "You are going to regret this tomorrow, you know." I looked at it, and nodded. "Probably, but I really don't care right now." "But...! *munch munch munch* "Tsk tsk..." said another chip from the bag. "Look, I didn't come here looking to be criticized," I snapped, shoving more chips in my mouth to stop them from making commentary. The ice cream heaved a sticky sigh and melted a little in the bowl. "We don't make you happy," the pizza piped in. "You always say how you wish you had eaten a carrot or some celery." I glared at the greasy pepperonis that seemed to be watching me. "So?" I barked, starting to feel a little uneasy. "How do you think that makes us feel?" The pizza retorted. "How would like to be eaten and then have to hear about it all night from the INSIDE of somebody?" The pizza had a point, but I wasn't ready to make that concession. "You never complain about celery or carrots...or apples even." I heard a faint "It's true! " coming from the fridge. I sighed, and tore a slice of pizza from the box, discontent now that my food was judging me.
"I'll tell you what," I said between bites. "If you will give me peace just this last time, I promise, the next time I will not say a word about eating you guys."
The ice cream sniffed warily and started to look a little watery.
"Well..." the pizza considered. "Alright..."
Everything went silent. I waited a few minutes just to make sure, and then grabbed a handful of chips. Still nothing. I then continued on my binge. As I grabbed the last chip from the bag, dipped it in the avocado, and proceeded to bite down, I heard a faint "You are gonna be sorry..."
"Hey! You promised!"
" Sorry...I'll stop."
*Munch Munch*
"So...read any good books lately? "
"What?"
" Just trying to make polite conversation. "
"Oh. Well...stop it. I am trying to concentrate."
All this talking food was making me weary, and I decided to call it a night. As I got ready for bed, I decided, for some crazy reason, to weigh myself. As the numbers got higher and higher, I heaved a sigh...
"Oh no..."
" HEY! Remember your promise! "
"Oh, alright..."
I don't think I can eat chips anymore. The whole experience freaked me out. Next thing you know, the carrots and celery will be jumping out of the fridge wanting to be eaten...

2 comments:

Davola said...

"Uh-oh... uh-oh...." -- Eva

Katscratchme said...

And here I thought it was just me....

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