Gifts at the Commune

Once upon a time, Kingston and Queenie lived in a magical commune, which they happened to be in charge of. They desperately wanted a child, but due to Queenie's high consumption of Wild Yam Root, they weren't able to until she laid off her herbal supplements and did a juice diet to clear her body of toxins.
When the baby was born, they gathered all their friends at the commune, the foremost of them being their three best friends, Bossy, Ditsy, and Whiney. The new parents proudly showed off their daughter, totally unaware that their pride and joy more closely resembled a yak than a baby.
Bossy, knowing that she knew best, gave the child the gift of exceeding beauty. *ting*
Ditsy, not thinking anything, gave the child of a beautiful singing voice. *ting*
Whiney waddled up to the baby, complaining to herself and anyone else in hearing distance, that she should have gone first, and threatened to just go home and not bestow her gift because the cake was chocolate flax seed with organic raspberry preserve filling. Ditsy just smiled and handed her a piece of cake.
Just as Whiney was about to bestow her gift, the barn door blew open (yes, they were in a barn) and in stormed Maladjusted, the evil neighborhood association president. She had always been secretly jealous that she was never invited into the commune, and was doubly offended that she wasn't invited to the birthing ceremony in the barn. She thus stormed into the commune, ranting about health codes being violated, and threatening eviction, even though both she and the communers knew she didn't have any authority to do anything, which only made Maladjusted more cranky.
Whiney muttered under her breath something particularly nasty about Maladjusted, and backed away from the baby to sulk some more between bites about the cake. Kingston and Queenie, never having met Maladjusted face to face, tried to smooth things over by offering her some humus and whole wheat crackers. Maladjusted turned her nose up at the offering, and glared around at the crowd of startled celebrators.
"Nice barn party, Kingston," Maladjusted sneered. But Kingston, being the open and generous sort, politely thanked Maladjusted, sending her into a darker frustration that her snide remarks had no effect on anybody.
"What are you doing here, loser?" Whiney complained, forcibly scooping out the raspberry filling from the cake and flinging it on the floor.
"I just came to see what you weirdos were up to. This barn is so unsanitary, Kingston, I hope you know that. But I could have prevented this atrocity if I had been informed before hand."
Kingston just nodded, and exchanged a bewildered look with Queenie, who was diligently wrapping up their baby in an all-natural wool blanket, which the baby was fighting to get out of since it was itching her skin.
"Didn't you get our invitation?" Queenie asked, struggling to get the baby's arms in the blanket.
"What invitation? I didn't get an invitation!" Maladjusted shrieked, stamping her Prada encased foot into the now large pile of organic raspberry preserves on the ground.
"We left it on your doorstep. Since tape isn't earth-friendly, we left it there, hoping you would find it."
Maladjusted thought for a minute and recalled arriving home one night and finding a pile of brown something that had obviously gotten soaked by her timed sprinklers. She had tossed it into her garbage, not thinking twice about it.
"Well, I didn't get it!" She glowered.
"I am very sorry," Queenie said, sitting on a haystack. "I hope you weren't too offended that it seemed we excluded you."
Maladjusted made a scoffing noise and then sneered.
"Oh no, Queenie...In fact! I have a gift for your little brat. Is somebody writing this down, because it's gonna be good!"
Kingston smiled and produced a pad of 100 % recycled paper, which, incidentally was the same paper they had used to write the invitation, which, when wet, turns into a pile of brown goo.
"Alright..at some point in the next 16 years, she will get a splinter from one of these backward barns or fences or something and get an infection that will KILL HER!"
Gasps were heard all around, and Maladjusted threw back her permed head, cackling. She then made to leave, but slipped in the organic raspberries, landing on her $1000 pant suit bottom.
With everyone laughing at her, she stamped out of the barn, slamming the door behind her, getting a hand full of splinters on her way out (which consequently got infected and she died in the ICU at the hospital 3 months later).
Kingston and Queenie, however, were distraught and didn't know what to do. Bossy pushed Whiney forward and told her to bestow a different gift than the one she had planned. Ditsy just helped herself to more cake, singing to herself.
Whiney was more than angry about the whole thing, since she had worked so hard to come up with the perfect gift, and felt like Bossy should be the one to take back her gift and give a new one because her gift was superficial and eventually the baby would grow up and get wrinkly anyway.
Taking one more bite of cake, and shuddering for the sake of those watching, Whiney rolled up her sleeves and heaved a sigh and thought for a minute.
"Alright...Okay, so she may get a splinter, but that's okay because it won't kill her. I give her the gift of immunity, and all it will do to her is be annoying until she pulls it out. Let's hope she isn't a weenie when it come to needles." *ting*
Everyone heaved sighs of relief, but Kingston still suggested that everyone leave the barn, and set every wooden building on fire, and from then on live in lean-tos made from the same 100 %wool blankets they wrapped their baby in.
Bossy, Ditsy, and Whiney then left and watched as the whole commune went up in flames. Bossy thought it was a stupid idea, but nobody listened to her, Ditsy just kept handing out cake, and Whiney just complained about all the smoke. Bossy then decided the best thing to do would be to take the baby out of the commune to a place where she would be safe until after her 16th birthday. Kingston and Queenie objected at first, but seeing as they really couldn't burn down the whole forest without some serious global effects, they conceded and said goodbye their little daughter.
As they were about to leave, Bossy, Ditsy, and Whiney suddenly realized that they didn't know the baby's name and returned to ask.
"We named her Nutella. Isn't that sweet?" The parents cooed, making Whiney dry heave.
"We'll just call her Ella, shall we," Bossy ordered, and then they all left.
Years went by and Ella made a habit of talking to herself in the mirror, and talking to her pet iguana, Krud. She would collect flowers with Krud and sing all day, and would be carted around by her three "aunts" who carefully avoided any sort of wooden product. One day, Ella met a young man who was riding his ATV around their neighborhood and instantly fell in love. This caused him much consternation since he never talked to her because she was the "weird" chick who lived with the crazy old ladies down the street. When she would see him, she would call out "Boy! I love you!" After a while, this annoyed him so he sat her down and explained to her that 1) his name was Alex 2) you don't fall in love with people you don't know and 3) she really needed to go to school and learn to read. Ella just stared at him with a dreamy look and nodded her head. Alex then made it his job to make sure Ella went to school, and even tutored her.
More years went by, and Maladjusted's prophecy never came true, and Ella went home, dragging Alex behind her.
Bossy, Ditsy, and Whiney all returned to the commune and watched all the communers commune, and began to reminisce about the past.
"I remember when Ella was just a baby, and was so adorable," Bossy said, sighing at the memory.
"I remember when Ella was just a baby, and looked like a Yak," Whiney snapped, glaring at Bossy.
"I remember the cake!"Ditsy said so excitedly."It was so good...we should make a cake!"
Just then Ella and Alex walked by. Alex was trying to explain something to Ella.
"How does your hair stay like that, Alex?" Ella asked in wonder.
"Um...mousse..."He said, trying really hard not to scream.
"Mousse? Is that what cows eat?" She asked in earnest.
Alex and Ella then went out of hearing range, and Bossy, Ditsy and Whiney couldn't hear them anymore.
Whiney heaved a giant sigh and glared at Bossy.
Bossy pretended to ignore the glare.
Ditsy, suddenly waking up to that moment in time, suddenly said,
"Whiney, what was the gift you were going to give Ella all those years ago?"
Whiney shot another glare at Bossy.
"Brains."