Sometimes

There is a scripture that says something like "Retire to thy bed early and rise early that thy mind and thy body might be invigorated." (See the Bible, somewhere...

probably in Proverbs)

There are many reasons why this is excellent advise, but there is a specific reason for me. You see, God speaks to me at 5:ooam. He always has, but lately I have been staying up really late and getting up around 10 or 11am and so my life becomes crazy and I can't hear Him.

In the quiet time of 5am, I woke because my husband said a prayer with me, ran off, and I tried to sleep, but my mind this morning was snagged on a thought, and God took the opportunity to talk to his daughter. I always forget how wonderful those moments are when I am peaceful, and there are no distractions, and I can let my heart, mind and spirit commune with God. It is at those times He reminds me of who I am, and with a slightly saddened heart, I see that I have been so distracted that I have forgotten that. Forgotten that I have a great potential to do good, and to be good.

I don't know how it happened, but lately I have become so distracted by life that I have turned into this mess of a person, boiled down to my basest form. I remember in High School, I attended early morning seminary, and that kept me on track. There is nothing like studying scripture at 6:15am. I remember being very concerned about doing what was right, and acting in a way that was in accordance with my standards. I don't know when I stopped being so concerned. Not to say that I have gone out and robbed a bank or anything, but it's the little things. "As a man thinketh, so is he." I think it comes from slacking in my study of the scriptures. In seminary, I had four years of intense daily study, and in college, I attended institute daily as well. But, now that I am home, I don't seem to make the time due to things that have no value. For the benefit of my children you would think that I would take the time, so that they may have the best mommy they could have.
Growing up, I was home schooled, and every morning, I would, after breakfast, look around for my mom, and every day, I would find her buried in her well-worn scriptures, with her journal at the tips of her fingers. It made the most powerful impression on me, and I think of it often, wondering how I could once again obtain that kind of devotion.

But, God has given me the gift of those precious 5am moments, when He can tell me he loves me, and wants me to be the best I can be. I have a long way to go, but it bolsters my heart that He cares enough to persist, and wait until I am ready to listen.