Damaged

Last night I had a dream.

In my dream, I got into a scuffle with someone. No, I should say, out-and-out fight. I don't know what we were fighting about, but both of us were doing our best to get the better of the other.

At some point, the person (I don't know who it was) shoved a piece of plastic into my eye. A large, sharp, jaggity piece of plastic into my eye.

I was rightly concerned. From my vantage point (there happened to be a mirror right there, what do ya know!), it looked like they had taken out half my face. On closer inspection, it was merely just sticking out of most of my eye.

I took my handy pair of tweezers (which just happened to be next to that mirror) and, wincing a little, tried to tug it out. It came out quite nicely, and with little pain. I was quite pleased.

But, much to my anxiety, my entire eye turned white (my rational for this happening in my dream was that all the blue had drained out, what with the hole and everything).

Someone kindly handed me an eye patch (which wouldn't stay on...I kept finding it around my neck or on my forehead), and I was happy in the thought that it would heal (if I could get that stupid eye patch to stop sliding off).

Very disturbing dream, to say the least.

But the most troublesome part of it all was that after I pulled the piece of plastic out (that protruded at least an inch out of my face), I wondered if anything was left inside. My knowledge of infections apparently carried over into my dream.

Of course, I woke up thinking of the whole Mote-Beam parable (if it was a parable...was it a parable???).

I am very aware that I have no right to judge others. It's like asking to have that giant stick shoved in further.

But even if it is removed...

Even if all you have is a tiny little mote...

What if some is left behind?

I think it comes down to this:

Let's say you have a problem, a tiny mote, if you will. If you pull it out yourself, you probably could do so without much trouble. Overcome that habit, that bad tendency. But you will never know for sure if you have uprooted the entire problem, if you do it by yourself.

Now, if you take your mote problem to the Savior, there is no doubt that He will clean it out, all of it. And you never have to worry about any little sliver being left behind, His cleansing power being complete.

The trick is letting Him do it.

I don't know about you, but most of the time, I want to do things on my own. Not because I don't value or desperately need the atonement. But because I am one of those people who feels like I should do everything I can before taking whatever problem I have to the Lord. Earn the help...My problem is my problem, in my mind. I got myself into the mess, I should get myself out. But I can't.

I can't.

It reminds me of something a friend said to me once, when referring to the fact that I had been doing something that was very simple, in the most difficult way possible (literally backwards, but hey! it worked...).

She said, "You taught yourself to do this, and you taught yourself to do it the hardest way possible."

She then laughed, "What does that say about you?"

She was trying to find humor in my silliness, but that has stuck with me.

Perhaps that has to do with human nature. Because of how (relatively) easy it is to take everything to Christ, we don't do it. When referring to the Israelites it was said that because of the easiness of the way, they wouldn't do it. And all they had to do was look. Just turn their heads and look and they would be healed.

Why wouldn't they? Why won't I?

I think it takes practice and a lot of humility to take your troubles to the Lord...and then to let them go. I am super good at taking them to Him, and after talking about them for a while, I haul them away again.

I hope some day (soon) I will learn to take my infected, wood-chip ridden eye to Him so he can fix it, and fix it for good.