Cautionary Tales from Me and Things that go BUMP in my head.

I ain't drinking milk from this cow...

First things first...Soy milk tastes really gross.
Whew, got that off my chest...

(In case you want a tasty alternative to cow or soy milk, try almond milk. It tastes like candy. Of course, it could be all the evaporated cane juice they put in it. They put it in soy milk too, but for some reason it doesn't taste as good. We tried to slip some in Eva's morning milk, and, after detecting the foreign entity, she returned the partially undrunk bottle to me, telling me that she didn't like it.)

Second thing...We went to Build-A-Bear to get baby her very own custom-made polar bear (why I think my children need stuffed animals I will never know...), and Josh and Eva FREAKED OUT that they didn't get one too--never mind the fact that they both have their own custom stuffed animals at home.... I had heard once when you are to have a new baby, that when you get something for them, you should get something for your other kids as well, so they don't feel jealous. Being a conscientious mommy, I dragged my screaming children from Build-A-Bear and into Hallmark to get them their own little animals (at a far cheaper price). That only resulted in Joshua and Eva wanting one of everything, and I left Hallmark with a little less money in my pocket, two horribly spoiled children in tow, and yet two more Beanie Babies to add to the already staggering mound at home. Why do I do this? To be "fair," of course...but I don't recommend it.

Third thought...If you are going to buy a car seat for your baby, and if you don't really like it, for heaven's sake, don't use it, let your child stain it, leave oddly shaped cereal in it, and then take it back to Wal-Mart for some poor, unknowing soul (me) to purchase, take home, install, and then step back in disgust when they realize what they have gotten into. Lacks class. Is DEVOID of class...

Fourthly, homemade poppy seed salad dressing is tasty. Homemade apple-orange salad dressing isn't. And it in no way makes spinach taste good.

Fifthly, I think that every woman who can should shave their legs frequently. I don't think men should at all. Except cyclists. Nothing more weird looking than a man in spandex with wolfman legs. Except perhaps a woman in spandex with wolfman legs.

Sixthly, I don't think telling people what is "wrong" with them is in any way useful...or nice (number three is an exception because I haven't actually said it to the person...that makes it okay, right?). All it does is make that person not like you (and I don't care if the car seat villain doesn't like me).

Seventhly (is that a word?), Albertson's makes really tasty peanut butter cookies. Don't buy them.

Eighthly (not a word either...), I really don't like pears, but I keep buying them, and forcing myself to eat them. I think I may have a mental problem.

Ninethly (should be a word), I think people would do well having microchips installed in their bodies, like they do with cats and dogs now. That way, you could never lose someone. Jeremy thinks it's a bad idea.

And finally, if listening to Christmas music makes you happy, you should be able to listen to it whenever you want without being criticized. Even if it's in June.