Kid Quotes

Josh

Me: We have different kinds of trees, like evergreens, and flat leaf trees...what kind of trees are we like, Josh? Do we lose our hair in the fall?

Josh: No, we're like evergreens. But, when people lose their hair, that's like flat leaf trees, and that's called wigs.

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Josh, playing with his U.S. puzzle: Mom, Santa lives in New Mexico.


Me, wondering where I went wrong: Uh, he lives at the North Pole, Josh.

Josh: No, it says "Santa Fee" on the puzzle.

Me: It's "Santa Fe (Fay)" Josh...it's a town.


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Doing spelling, focusing on short a words...


Me: What word from the list goes with eggs?


Josh: Ham.


Me: Good! What goes with coat? 


Josh: Hat.


Me: GREAT! What goes with pot?


Josh: Pan.


Me: Okay, what goes with woman?

Josh:...Cash? 

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While they were at the table cutting out pictures of snakes:
Eva, singing: Children is looooooooovvvvvee....


Josh: EVA! You don't get it!

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On the way home from the dentist, Lily was crying her heart out. Joshua looked at her, then announced, "Mommy, your baby is going to explode!"

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Me: Josh, how would you like to learn to cook?
Josh: I already know how to cook.
Me: Yeah? What do you know how to cook?
Josh: Eggs...
Me: Okay, how do you cook an egg?
Josh: Well, first you crack the egg open, and then pick all the shell pieces out...

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Joshua was "assessed" by his kindergarten teacher: "Joshua, I want you to say, 'I have a black dog.'" Joshua looked at her and said, "I don't have a black dog." "I know, but I want to hear you say the words." He thought about it for a minute. "But I don't have a black dog!" She then moved on: "Say, 'Mary is a good girl.'" He quipped, "Um, I don't think so."
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While Joshua was thinking on Sponge Bob...
Joshua: What is a bikini bottom?
Me: It's sorta like underwear.
Joshua: Heh heh! Underwear...

Eva

Eva: Mom, did Jesus have a potty?

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Eva: Eva: Mom, is there chicken in this soup?


Me: Yes.

Eva: Mom, why did the chicken die?

Me: So we could eat it.

Eva: Yum! ....Where are the chicken's legs?

Me: Uh...

Eva: They're in heaven. And it's head, too.

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Eva: Once upon a time there was a tough guy, who ate a vegetable. The tough guy was you *pointing at Josh* and then he stole my food. In a car.
 

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Eva: Mommy, you don't eat Gumby's eyes.

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Eva: Mommy, did Heavenly Father make us?

Me: Of course he did!

Eva: Yes, he made our eyes and our mouths...He was stressed out.


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Eva: Did Jesus have a potty?

Josh: (laughing)E-Vah...

Eva: No, in his house...


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Eva: Mommy, can I have a graham cracker? 

Me: We don't have any.

Eva: How about....

Me, opening the pantry: Would you like some beans?

Eva: Yes! *jumping up and down*

I hand her a can of kidney beans.

Eva: Mommy...I can't open it.

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Eva, eating a gingerbread sleigh: Bleh...I ate Santa. He's a monster.

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Eva: How do babies get in your tummy?


Me: Mommy and daddy put them there with Heavenly Father's help.


Eva: But how?


Me: ...well, it's like a puzzle. I have a piece and daddy has a piece, and we put them together.


Eva: Yeah? Are they really small?


Me: Yes, they have to be small because I carry the puzzle pieces around in my body. If they were like your floor puzzle pieces I couldn't do it. 


Eva, laughing incredulously: Nooooo!

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Eva didn't want to eat her apples at lunch, and at some point she wandered off with them...


Eva, running in from the playroom with wide eyes: Mom, Joshua stole my apples.


Me: No, he didn't.


Eva: Well...I threw them, and-


Me: Eva, you have to stop doing that. 

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Me: Eva, can I have some of your soda? 


Eva: Uuhhhh...It has my germs on it.


Me: That's okay! I gave you your germs! I made them with daddy...


Eva: Uhhhh...they will make you sick....

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Eva: Lily BITED me!


Jeremy: BIT.

Yes...we are those kind of parents. You get no sympathy if you use bad grammar.



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Today, while I was changing the sheets on my bed:


Eva: Mommy, what are you doing?


Me: I'm changing the sheets on my bed.


Eva, wide-eyed: Why?


Me, coming up with an answer she would understand: Because they are stinky.


Eva:...did you poop in them?

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After talking about how we lived in Heaven before we came to Earth...
Eva: Mommy, how did the babies get in your tummy?
Me: Well, it's like a puzzle. I have a piece and Daddy has a piece, and we put them together and put them in my tummy, and that made a baby.
Eva: So, Pepper has puzzle pieces?
Me: No, we took those out so she couldn't have babies.
Eva: Why? 
Me, guilt building: Because we didn't want her to have babies.
Eva: Why? Because she wouldn't share? 

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Eva: Mommy, can I ask you a question?
Me, exasperated since it is bedtime: What?
Eva: Do you remember when my fan broke?
Me: Yes, it died, good night.
Eva, eyes wide as she realized her fan had been a living thing: Why did it die??
Me, running with it: Because that kind of fan doesn't live very long, like butterflies.
Eva, pointing to the new, stand fan: And this one lives FOREVER??
Me: No, it just lives longer.
Eva stares at the fan in wonder.

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Eva: Lily BITED me!
Jeremy: BIT.
Yes...we are those kind of parents. You get no sympathy if you use bad grammar. 

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In the car this morning, Lily cries out in pain.
Me: What happened, Eva?? What did you do?
Eva, looking guilty: ...I didn't do anything...Lily's finger bit itself.
Lily
 
Me: What does a horse say?
 
Lily: PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!
 
Me: What does a bear say?
 
Lily: GRRRRRRR!!!!
 
Me: What does a cat say?
 
Lily: ....Caahhtt....

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Me: Can you say "cat"? 

Lily: Cahhh...

Me: Can you say "dog"?

Lily: Daahhh...

Me: Can you say "cow"?

Lily: Mama.


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Lily runs into the kitchen...
Lily: I hungry.
Me: Would you like a piece of bread?
Lily: No, I want something to *eat*...
Me: Bread IS something to eat.
Lily: No, I mean like brownies...

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Lily, pointing to her toast: What's dis?
Me: That's jam.
Lily: Jam? 
Then in a deep voice: Oh, Jam....

Eden
She has no comments at this time.

Me and Jeremy
Jeremy, after I got off the phone because I had to change some plans with my brother: I'm sorry...


Me: It's okay, it's not your fault.


Jeremy: Yes it is.


Me: Fine, I hate you.


Jeremy: That's the spirit!

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Talking to my niece:


Me: I don't like scary movies...


Elena: Me either.


Me: And, yet, here you are, going out to watch one...


Elena: That's because all my friends are doing it!


Me: So, if all your friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too?


Elena, with a completely straight face: Well, bridge jumping isn't as popular this year as it was last year.


Me:...Uh....

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Jeremy: Promise me you will stay in bed and rest.
Me: I was actually thinking I'd do some aerobics and then do some gardening.
Jeremy: On the Sabbath?
Me: Yeah! And then I was going to run around the neighborhood...
Jeremy: Naked?
Me: Yeah.
Jeremy: Again?

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Jeremy, via text: How are you my precious?
Me: Round and maybe like I can turn people invisible? 

I don't think he got it. 

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Eva: "I kissed the cat! I kissed the cat very nice!" 
Jeremy: "That's gross (he says in a sing-song voice), she is dirty. She licks her bottom, so when you kiss her, you are kissing her pooey-ness."

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I was talking to Jeremy on the phone and said "my back is killing me!" Joshua later asked me, "Mom, is your back killing you?" "Yes," I replied. He thought for a minute, then said, "Are you going to die soon?"

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